Litelysalted loves herself some New York!

In a landmark proceeding in regards to reality TV programming, beloved crackwhore/lunatic New York (aka Tiffany Patterson) has gotten her very own reality show: I Love New York . What makes I Love New York so unprecedented is that this show is a spin-off of a sequel of a spin-off of a spin-off (counts fingers) of what was essentially a fourth rate cable reality show to begin with.

Confused? Well Surreal Life (4?) gave us breakout "star" Flavor Flav, who went on to do Strange Love with Surreal Life co-star Brigitte Nielsen. Strange Love then begat the "Bachelor-esque" Flavor of Love where viewers first got a taste of New York... One season of Flavor of Love apparently wasn't enough so VH1 trotted both Flav AND New York back out for season two. New York made it into the "final two" both seasons, but ultimately lost in the end. A wise man named George Bluth once said: "Never promise crazy a baby!" and I think that sums it up it nicely.

Which brings us to today, where the now twice-jilted New York gets her own Bachelorette-type reality dating show, complete with 20 different kinds of crazy to choose from. Also starring in I Love New York is New York's clearly insane mother, Meeees "Sister" Michelle, who actually was involved in a minor physical altercation with Flavor Flav on S2 of Flavor of Love.

I Love New York premiered last night, and I have to say this show is AWESOME, and will definitely blow the sometimes-nauseating Flavor of Love out of the stupid "FLAVOR FLAAAAAV!" water. This show fills the "Maury" void I've had in my life ever since I started working 9-5. I must say, the producers have done a splendid job in finding 20 men who are about as insane as New York. The cast is fairly diverse, race-wise, however New York accuses half of the non-African American contestants of being racist and her mother accuses the other half of being gay. She's not entirely wrong on that one, either... And has coined the phrase Undercover Gay, which will forever be cemented in my vocabulary.

Standout contestants include:

Mr. Boston
Mr. Boston, who originaly requested that his nickname be "Stud," looks very much like a Ken doll minus the charisma. I suspect he may be somewhat mentally retarded, and doesn't exactly do what I consider "justice" to the fine city of Boston. In the premier he tells Meeees Michelle that he wants to have inter-racial babies with New York who look like "Derek Jeter."

T-Bone
When T-Bone actually admitted that he hasn't had sex in 3 years, I think he was giving himself the benefit of the doubt. New York correctly points out that his self-professed "Bedroom Eyes" are pointing in two different directions.

Romance
To sum up Romance: GAY, GAY, GAY!!! Not even the "undercover" gay Meees Michelle was referring to, because Romance's gayness is about as subtle as the entire cast of Queer Eye, Liberace, Elton John, and every gay porn star that has ever existed put together. In the introduction/nickname ceremony, Romance breaks down in tears that he recently "lost" his precious Maltese, "Princess," and that if New York gives him a chance he'll treat her every bit as good as he treated Princess. Whew.

Chance
Already fan-favorite and serious contendor, Chance is the token cro-magnum thug whom, much like a Bum to Night Train, New York is immediately and overwhelmingly drawn to. Chance will no doubt make the final two and likely go on to star in his very own brand-of-crazy Reality Show, Give Chance a Piece*.

* TM-TWoP Forums