tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-305194332024-03-07T10:01:57.874-08:00litelysaltedFreshly salted rants, reviews, and ramblings.litelysaltedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08817381245212129546noreply@blogger.comBlogger209125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30519433.post-65602471749137973942008-07-30T15:38:00.000-07:002008-07-30T15:44:26.679-07:00I've Moved...Well, not really. Same domain, different host. If you're reading this, update your feed/links to <A href="http://www.litelysalted.com">litelysalted.com</A>.litelysaltedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08817381245212129546noreply@blogger.com62tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30519433.post-71338299881044415622008-07-28T12:05:00.000-07:002008-07-28T12:10:11.775-07:00I am Pathetic<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/1UoR3jwgpU8&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/1UoR3jwgpU8&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />So much for my moratorium on wasteful spending. I just returned from the PetSmart where I purchased:<br /><br />• Bag of Science Diet OralCare food nuggets. ($13)<br />• Three plastic frisbees @ $1 each. ($3)<br />• Checkout donation to animal shelter. ($1)<br />• Stuffed toy from my favorite PetSmart commercial (above). ($10)<br /><br />Not that I <i>mind</i> spending money on my dogs, but they're just as happy with stuffed toys from the dollar store as expensive PetSmart brand toys. It is a really, really cute fucking dog toy, though. You have to admit. Come on!litelysaltedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08817381245212129546noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30519433.post-7947538068846242302008-07-28T10:13:00.001-07:002008-07-28T10:18:15.183-07:00This Made My DayFrom Prisco's <A href="http://www.pajiba.com/exploits-from-comiccon-2008-part-iii.htm">2008 Comic-Con coverage</A>:<br /><br /><blockquote>Derek Mears plays Jason, and he’s a huge dude, but very well-spoken and seemingly nice. Of course, I just saw him impale a guy on a busted up cop car, and come rampaging out of the woods about to split a chick’s head with the machete. Jason isn’t a lumbering stalker in this one, he’s fast, and menacing, and violent. Whatever. And for Stacey, Jared Padalecki is a charming motherfucker. He was totally hilarious, and easily the only worthwhile part of the panel. Not enough to make me watch “Supernatural,” but still, he’s pretty cool.</blockquote><br /><br />Almost as good as a reader who last year sent me pictures of Jensen Ackles from the "Supernatural" panel. I think I'm starting to be famous purely for my love of all things Jared and Jensen. Which would be cool except that I'm almost 31. Ah well. And don't forget: J-Pad is also an <A href="http://www.litelysalted.com/2006/10/jared-padalecki-friend-to-animals.html">animal lover</A>. See? Obvs an all-around awesome dude.litelysaltedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08817381245212129546noreply@blogger.com51tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30519433.post-61136345605582261812008-07-27T11:09:00.000-07:002008-07-27T12:45:18.743-07:00Just Hook it to my Veins<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8d1kVosq0iYBZgsuANlnXZFQMixlIMw31hAxJ8LSwfKXAV_S-jBqUipvDnqhNp79iZPORYXlJLYiPRjXIO4jG7PvEa7vCYvjgC9IXt_wy32OWmtl7nHQ5CFSZ-AOUS28ug087uQ/s1600-h/3g_iphone.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8d1kVosq0iYBZgsuANlnXZFQMixlIMw31hAxJ8LSwfKXAV_S-jBqUipvDnqhNp79iZPORYXlJLYiPRjXIO4jG7PvEa7vCYvjgC9IXt_wy32OWmtl7nHQ5CFSZ-AOUS28ug087uQ/s320/3g_iphone.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5227782136408402258" /></a>I finally did it. I broke down to the peer pressure from the internet, TV, <a href="http://gospelaccordingtoprisco.wordpress.com/2008/07/11/rage-81-hold-the-line-please/">Prisco</a>, <a href="http://tvinthewoods.wordpress.com/2007/09/29/amazing/">Beckylooo</a> and the rest of the universe, decided to get an iPhone. I stopped at the mall on my way to the gym this morning and ordered it. Later during my workout, the immediate vicinity around my gym was hit with a lightning and hail producing thunderstorm of apocalyptic proportions, and I decided that it was God punishing me for buying the iPhone. (Which is silly, of course, because I don't believe in God!)<br /><br />I made the decision on a whim, which is how I make all of my important, life-altering decisions. For the longest time I've resisted in going for a smart phone, for two reasons. One being that the times I'm not actually sitting in front of a computer are so few, that I cherish my personal time -- and two being that I didn't want to pay an extra $30 on my phone bill a month for the privilege of losing said personal time and completely succumbing to technology. However, after arriving home from my recent vacation to find over 200 emails in my inbox, I started getting the itch. Still, I was considering a cheaper model. But Blackberrys are <i>ugly</i>, and after perusing the Palm Centros at Best Buy yesterday, I decided that I didn't like the keypad and that the screen was too small. So it only made sense: I should get an iPhone. Right?<br /><br />The logic is thusly. I'm usually a pretty frugal spender, but lately I have been completely irresponsible with money. Literally, here is an itemized report of money I've thrown down the toilet (or at least, spent very, very carelessly) in the past month or so:<br /><br />• $50 in late fees for my J. Crew card. (Really? They do that for being <i>one</i> day late? Live and learn.)<br />• $200 on <i>five</i> new summer dresses. (I got good deals on them, but yeah: <i>Five</i>.)<br />• $65 on getting my keys out of my car. (See <a href="http://www.litelysalted.com/2008/07/sixty-five-bucks.html">recent</a>.)<br />• $17 on a glass vase shaped like a bird. (Purchase fueled by a half bottle of wine consumed at an expensive crepe restaurant down the street from store vase acquired from.)<br />• $30 on ill-fitting Pittsburg, NH souvenir sweatshirt that came down to my knees on vacation after leaving my favorite red hoodie at home. (Although I ended up giving that to Dustin, only slightly used and covered in dog hair, so it wasn't a total loss.)<br />• $20 on finger puppets. (Yeah, I don't really have an excuse/explanation for this one.)<br />• $2 on a bottle of water at the gym today. (Because I left my reusable one in the freezer at home, two strikes for being bad for the environment.)<br /><br />So why exactly does blowing $384 (not even counting what I consider to be justified purchases like a new kayak and camera) constitute that I should spend another $200+ on an iPhone? Well, if I have a new iPhone, I'll most likely feel somewhat guilty about the purchase. This means I can whip it out and admire it lovingly whenever I get the urge to blow my self-made tuna sandwich for lunch at the local Mediterranean restaurant, or buy an extra half dozen bottles of wine that I like just because it's on sale for like a dollar off. See? My logic is astounding! Aside from the sweet GPS and internet at your fingertips, buyer guilt is one of the less publicized features of owning your very own iPhone.<br /><br />Plus? I've had the same pink Razr for almost <i>three</i> years now, and I actually spent the same amount on that as I did on the new iPhone. And you know what? They've been giving away pink Razrs for about <i>two</i> of those years, making me feel like a stupid chump. Fuck that. At least I know that Steve Jobs is too much of a greedface to <i>ever</i> give away anything for free. (Although if they come out with pink ones in the next year, and they probably will, I'll be pissed.) So as I walked out of the mall today, texting Mr. Salty on that pink Razr and knowing it was one of the last times I would ever feel totally lame texting from a pink Razr in public, I did feel pret-ty damn good.litelysaltedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08817381245212129546noreply@blogger.com48tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30519433.post-54586094435753972442008-07-25T05:33:00.000-07:002008-07-25T05:35:57.411-07:00I Has a Bucket<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxBD8n25-0HUMJWPrAjP9Zo7MILZ6LOy2R1AIlMJae8hxdRaIekNq3WermcL6c74YVsJbR0PDuorfwk8RNUOAIbIIYywu9cI924PeFg8KHbwlSpiN79J_sewgFN0uOy1KNTC9K1g/s1600-h/walrus_bucket.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxBD8n25-0HUMJWPrAjP9Zo7MILZ6LOy2R1AIlMJae8hxdRaIekNq3WermcL6c74YVsJbR0PDuorfwk8RNUOAIbIIYywu9cI924PeFg8KHbwlSpiN79J_sewgFN0uOy1KNTC9K1g/s400/walrus_bucket.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5226929254443501058" /></a>I was drinking a big cup of water when I opened this and it made water go up into my nose. True story.<br /><br />(<A href="http://www.ihasabucket.com/">Source</A>)litelysaltedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08817381245212129546noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30519433.post-24371456316036643792008-07-23T09:18:00.000-07:002008-07-23T09:44:55.804-07:00Sixty-five BucksWell, it finally happened: I locked my damn keys in the car. I lost my original set of car keys about four or five years ago in some kind of black hole which appeared in my house just long enough to eat them as I was running late for a doctors appointment. To this day, they've never been heard from again. So I've been using my spare key/keyless entry fob, and every year or so, I think to myself, "I should really make a copy." And of course, I never do because I'm lazy.<br /><br />Last night I was again running late for an appointment -- this time with my hair stylist -- and I jumped out of my car at the salon, grabbed my purse, grabbed my cellphone, smacked the lock button on the door and slammed it, only to realize at the exact moment the door was slamming that my keys were still danging in the ignition. <i>Fuck</i>!<br /><br />I don't know what was ultimately more degrading: having to shell out the biggest waste of $65 for the whole three minutes it took the locksmith to open my car door; or having to do so wearing hot pink capris and a button-down shirt with cherries on it, which is a cute outfit for a young looking 30-year-old to be wearing... Unless this 30-year-old had just had her hair cut and styled into a teased bouffant, (I don't know why she still insists on doing that, dammit) in which case, made me look like a young old lady-girl named "Flo."litelysaltedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08817381245212129546noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30519433.post-75277651731507645392008-07-11T07:28:00.000-07:002008-07-11T07:42:55.677-07:00Research Fail<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQdmdYMlMwDAEPp5k0ih_cgjgeupgwaDsx4D9NMgaQiBcPx5CvqpnZPcdleSVLB0QkeewWlWoJqtb3EivrbwQFhkIa0-tVbLCs3USFe2yYjK_hT1aadH7Figl1kziBRkwQ4WpzyQ/s1600-h/fb20.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQdmdYMlMwDAEPp5k0ih_cgjgeupgwaDsx4D9NMgaQiBcPx5CvqpnZPcdleSVLB0QkeewWlWoJqtb3EivrbwQFhkIa0-tVbLCs3USFe2yYjK_hT1aadH7Figl1kziBRkwQ4WpzyQ/s400/fb20.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5221766390657408018" /></a>Yesterday I was responding to a commenter over on Webster's, and basically the long and short of it is that the commenter expressed for her wish for Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag to shoot one another with their newly acquired firearms. I started to respond, saying that if it didn't happen, I was going to seriously consider disowning the concept of "ironic foreshadowing." Then I paused for a moment, stopping to consider whether or not "ironic foreshadowing" was an actual concept in itself. So naturally, not wanting to look stupid in front of my readers, I did a perfunctory google search which yielded <A href="http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=%22ironic+foreshadowing%22&btnG=Google+Search&aq=f">this result</A>. Hmmm. I'm seriously reconsidering how much I stock I take in the google research I do in the course of my blogging.<br /><br />Also, for as sophisticatedly funny as I (try to) come off on the internet, this is secretly <A href="http://www.failblog.org">the kind of thing</A> that makes me laugh. Oops, secret fail.litelysaltedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08817381245212129546noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30519433.post-87346086946921300952008-07-02T18:04:00.000-07:002008-07-02T18:16:46.052-07:00All By Myself<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg10YA3x0S3siu9kNQNochHfb4UsALwRf5RtV2GwuUfgyGI69TWiVDSEKYTz2Z4UBnYTB6pFnQQwlE8nv6dZgOvURVN6LMi5QjngSk5nGlPw_X1nJZI4HgCi8qWm9rOKgG1yL9pEg/s1600-h/parallelpark.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg10YA3x0S3siu9kNQNochHfb4UsALwRf5RtV2GwuUfgyGI69TWiVDSEKYTz2Z4UBnYTB6pFnQQwlE8nv6dZgOvURVN6LMi5QjngSk5nGlPw_X1nJZI4HgCi8qWm9rOKgG1yL9pEg/s400/parallelpark.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5218590173190560050" /></a>So maybe this doesn't <i>seem</i> very impressive... But if you successfully parallel-parked for the first time ever at age 30, you'd be damn sure to capture it for posterity, too.litelysaltedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08817381245212129546noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30519433.post-35354891439859775172008-06-14T17:24:00.000-07:002008-06-14T17:54:15.529-07:00What the Hell is Wrong with Pink? Dammit.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqZj_8QXlkREzdfk4xwmx8ss6bCsKE3p6WZ4SreZtnVjumhVnE-P5wld-aAfMlqnxYrggx36JNjRXLdu6_TuTlOCZJaZDjGFIn5ApNI0I-EHuzyI-7edqyBXjjKO9XQiO8pAuGXw/s1600-h/pinkmini.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqZj_8QXlkREzdfk4xwmx8ss6bCsKE3p6WZ4SreZtnVjumhVnE-P5wld-aAfMlqnxYrggx36JNjRXLdu6_TuTlOCZJaZDjGFIn5ApNI0I-EHuzyI-7edqyBXjjKO9XQiO8pAuGXw/s400/pinkmini.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5211904263986164930" /></a>Mr. Salty and I were driving home from getting milkshakes at our <A href="http://www.hautecafe.net/">favorite dessert cafe</A> earlier this evening when he asked me: "If you could have any color car in the world, what would it be?" Without skipping a beat, I said "pink." He snaps back, "You didn't even think about it!" So I did, for a moment. "No, pink. But like a <i>cool</i> pink, like the berry pink of the wall of my office." And he said, "Well what if you had to factor in that I might have to drive it sometimes?" to which I immediately responded, "Ain't my problem!" And then he said, "You know, you'd never be able to sell a pink car." (Don't you love how this imaginary scenario has so many stipulations to it?) But I was like, "If I had a pink car, why the hell would I ever want to get rid of it?!"<br /><br />But then I got thinking about it. Of <i>course</i> you could sell a pink car. If there's one thing us bitches love, it's shit that comes in pink. And given the supply (nonexistent) as compared to the demand (at the very least, moderate) not only would one be able to <i>sell</i> a pink car, but -- now think about this -- if just like <i>one</i> car company came out with a model in pink, there would be a feeding frenzy. Come on! Picture something hip, fun and sporty -- like a VW Bug, Mini or Smart; or even something on the economy side like a Honda Fit or a Toyota Yaris? There would be a waiting list out the <i>ass</i>. Remember when Motorola came out with the pink RAZR? Let me tell you, it was completely redonkulous. It took me like two months to get my hands on one of them, and I paid almost $200 for it. Of course, now every damn phone comes in pink, and they give RAZRs away for free with a two year contract.<br /><br />The fact that car companies refuse to take cues like this under their wing makes it apparent to me that these car companies are obviously run by men, who are forcing us women to live by their patriarchal standards of what a car should look like. (Yeah! How 'bout it, <A href="http://www.feministing.com/">feministing</A>?) And I, for one, am officially calling bullshit-anigans on this. Hear me, car companies? Bullshit-anigans!!<br /><br /><i>(Note: Header image custom paint job I acquired via internet.)</i>litelysaltedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08817381245212129546noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30519433.post-92201711228203636892008-05-27T05:41:00.000-07:002008-05-27T05:44:42.251-07:00Post-Holiday Weekend Male Enhancement Spam<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0QxDun5yzqN7nYuSFLicj0C-fYC1aknSw3mgX0ARduXq-uyQQmdC_7GOkg9wODHo03Y0cyvDURZSQRaYZ7UUxIrRji_Hrt_RDtlRBtoFteSO95QfmTxyCh1piOT4O4gvqz7fD2w/s1600-h/new2ao6.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0QxDun5yzqN7nYuSFLicj0C-fYC1aknSw3mgX0ARduXq-uyQQmdC_7GOkg9wODHo03Y0cyvDURZSQRaYZ7UUxIrRji_Hrt_RDtlRBtoFteSO95QfmTxyCh1piOT4O4gvqz7fD2w/s400/new2ao6.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5205037555761955234" /></a><br />I'm totally confused by the quotation and underlining usage in this one.litelysaltedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08817381245212129546noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30519433.post-58491253940361349962008-05-22T05:38:00.000-07:002008-05-22T05:41:03.159-07:00NO NO NO! Even Better!!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_x5aNAx8g80gi-cGJvFldNRAc5FUw-NIzrISKhckeyiBEoJPbb3DNKqgDsXSnWvGLU2iBlmPcN46Z9G4lFPRkvmoFLn0tU9rjcADgXIA2gU3m2VcgH0AThwCdy2Tae-NdTz50NA/s1600-h/CIALIS.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_x5aNAx8g80gi-cGJvFldNRAc5FUw-NIzrISKhckeyiBEoJPbb3DNKqgDsXSnWvGLU2iBlmPcN46Z9G4lFPRkvmoFLn0tU9rjcADgXIA2gU3m2VcgH0AThwCdy2Tae-NdTz50NA/s400/CIALIS.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5203181240831852946" /></a><br />WHAY THEY ARE SO HAPPY?<br /><br />BECOURSE THE HAVE NO PROBLEM IN SEXUAL LIFE!!!litelysaltedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08817381245212129546noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30519433.post-62957385202199133062008-05-21T06:49:00.000-07:002008-05-21T06:51:28.369-07:00Best Spam Ever<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpwiDecWCN6xc12EVmMqMChfiSyKNsfuLhnvMdpUFvoa0o9jO9Um6eNWgk_Ln6c6j27H9RKqstXV8tHCBQ__2Zq_Ic0roKG5_A-7xoQhq92TBjl3fc0NYQNQ4QCvYkMWxz5UMN-A/s1600-h/2lllgr8.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpwiDecWCN6xc12EVmMqMChfiSyKNsfuLhnvMdpUFvoa0o9jO9Um6eNWgk_Ln6c6j27H9RKqstXV8tHCBQ__2Zq_Ic0roKG5_A-7xoQhq92TBjl3fc0NYQNQ4QCvYkMWxz5UMN-A/s400/2lllgr8.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5202828172117970994" /></a><br />FOGET YOUR SEXUAL PROBLEM!litelysaltedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08817381245212129546noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30519433.post-47461883115022339292008-04-02T05:52:00.000-07:002008-04-02T06:18:03.889-07:00My Sister is Gonna Be On Oprah!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVBR9lEK4gr47yGGhiHlPw2Glr4ueJel15Puh-MGn2nyetrZ-t_mqyoAhuLKC5T_LN5z4Gy6P5J2ohb1XnzBPuuuV9r88WaSRKD-c5EJcLUHoq7lU0vy2G0_C63LE8jigEohaB2Q/s1600-h/oprah-n-pet_2196.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVBR9lEK4gr47yGGhiHlPw2Glr4ueJel15Puh-MGn2nyetrZ-t_mqyoAhuLKC5T_LN5z4Gy6P5J2ohb1XnzBPuuuV9r88WaSRKD-c5EJcLUHoq7lU0vy2G0_C63LE8jigEohaB2Q/s400/oprah-n-pet_2196.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5184634280352263810" /></a>So, <A href="http://www.pajiba.com/redemption-the-myth-of-pet-overpopulation-and-the-no-kill-revolution-in-america.htm">my awesome sister Beth</A> does volunteer work with the non-profit organization <A href="http://mlar.org/">Main Line Animal Rescue</A>. The organization's founder Bill Smith, who won the ASPCA lifetime achievement award in 2007, recently went on a crusade to get Oprah to do a show on puppy mills (since she's always bibbedy-blabbing about her dogs and such) by erecting a billboard outside of Harpo Studios pleading for her cooperation. Well, it worked and Friday's show will feature Smith, as well as pre-taped segments from the MLAR facility which Beth will more than likely be appearing in. Anyway, despite my excitement over the sis being on TV, it's a really good cause, so check it out. I'm breaking my lifelong streak of "never having voluntarily watched an Oprah" to do so.<br /><br />Oh yeah, and Oprah is <A href="http://omg.yahoo.com/winfrey-dedicates-show-to-her-late-dog/news/7878">dedicating the show to her dead cocker spaniel</A>. Oh, fuck you Oprah. But anyway, still watch.litelysaltedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08817381245212129546noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30519433.post-43368300123422205402008-03-30T14:04:00.001-07:002008-03-31T06:57:23.434-07:00My 10 Favorite Things About the Rocky's Pizza Menu:<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg17WWvdtr5U2tn4tTAuNmRgQOpSrAcjFdJf3-Kli4Tizo5bWjwtZwbX6fvfVsB0gx5Io9UJ1vYFvkoVc-_9ER8UN4S692wl1cZcOaNxTwPoZhgj6lcFSInrZE2fizypX2DUqrV5w/s1600-h/menu.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg17WWvdtr5U2tn4tTAuNmRgQOpSrAcjFdJf3-Kli4Tizo5bWjwtZwbX6fvfVsB0gx5Io9UJ1vYFvkoVc-_9ER8UN4S692wl1cZcOaNxTwPoZhgj6lcFSInrZE2fizypX2DUqrV5w/s400/menu.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5183904509574098546" /></a>(Click to enlarge)<br /><br />1. Where the celebrities go for their pizza? False!<br /><br />2. Okay, so maybe some "celebrities" have been there, on occasion, for PR or photo ops or whathaveit. But I've never even <i>heard</i> of Reno Mahe. He must be like one of those football players who only plays when someone important gets hurt.<br /><br />3. Yeah! Make me a pizza, bitch!<br /><br />4. Italian stereotypes = awesome.<br /><br />5. I can't put my finger on why a movie about a sweaty, beat-to-shit boxer inspired Italian cuisine. But clearly someone thought it was a good idea.<br /><br />6. They're not even "Oley Famous." One step at a time, Rocky's Pizza.<br /><br />7. This is a picture of Philadelphia. Because they're <i>practically</i> located in Philly -- you know, give or take 50 miles.<br /><br />8. Okay, this is a pretty sweet deal. I'll give them that.<br /><br />9. (On back of menu) The "Yo Adrian" pizza contains ground beef, bacon, cheddar, hot sauce, jalepenos, ranch and mozzarella. This sounds disgusting. I don't think Judge Dredd would eat this pizza, much less somebody training for athletic competition.<br /><br />10. Fuhgettaboudit!! Still awesome!litelysaltedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08817381245212129546noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30519433.post-40088495426654290822008-03-30T13:59:00.000-07:002008-03-30T14:03:57.230-07:00Open Letter to People Who Bring Kids to Wineries:Fuck you. No really, fuck <i>you</i>. Oh, and your kids are jerks.litelysaltedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08817381245212129546noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30519433.post-63219619110748958362008-03-27T06:07:00.000-07:002008-03-27T06:17:54.624-07:00Oh, Puke.When the Mister and I built out house, we did bamboo hardwood floors throughout the entire place, <i>except</i> for the master bedroom, which we decked out in wall-to-wall, speckled white berber carpeting. We've been moved in since mid-October, and I've been biding my time. I knew it was only a matter of <i>when</i> one of my wonderful little barfbag puke monsters would unload a steaming pile of half-digested kibble on our beloved carpet. And that day finally has come. I was getting ready for work, blow-drying my hair with the Violent Femmes blasting, and didn't even hear the preliminary hurl noises. Instead, when I finally peeked out of the master bath, I saw my Australian Shepherd, Sophie, guiltily cowering over a fricking <i>enormous</i> pile of brownish-pink vomit in a pool of yellow liquid, already saturated into the carpet. That's always fun to see when you're trying to get out the door in the morning. But anyway, for whatever reason it's so far never even occurred to me to purchase carpet stain cleaner. Suggestions, anyone?litelysaltedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08817381245212129546noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30519433.post-5436550338866678582008-03-17T07:17:00.000-07:002008-03-17T07:27:39.391-07:00Good GravyAbout a year ago, I blogged about <A href="http://www.litelysalted.com/2007/01/its-not-me-its-you.html">cutting a friend loose</A>. In the initial post I didn't get into specifics, but in the comments section I elaborated the following, to try to give some insight into the situation:<br /><br /><b>Me</b>: I'm building a house! From scratch. Mr. Salted and I designed it ourselves, and we're really excited and proud of it.<br /><br /><b>Her</b>: Well, let me tell you for the 40th time about my fabulous apartment! It's totally better than your house because it's within walking distance to the mall! Which is better than the mall near you, by the way.<br /><br /><b>Me</b>: I live down a backroad, on a private wooded lot, I don't even like malls and I do all my shopping online.<br /><br /><b>Her</b>: Yeah. It has, like, 200 more stores than your mall. You would love it. By the way, would you like to hear again how much money my boyfriend makes? Next week I'm probably going to dump him for a nightclub security guard, but when I take him back again because he misses me so much, I'll have to make sure I update you on his salary when that time comes.<br /><br />So imagine my complete and utter shock -- <i>shock!!</i> -- to find out that this friend (which, update: dumping unsuccessful!) exists in Saturday Day Night Live recurring character form. Wow. Just, wow. This is pretty much her, to a T. Not even really an exaggeration. Can you imagine why I'd ever want out of this?<br /><br /><object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/orhTLuqdV34&hl=en"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/orhTLuqdV34&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>litelysaltedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08817381245212129546noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30519433.post-81099954117631106532008-02-19T13:25:00.000-08:002008-02-19T13:35:48.366-08:00Search Engine Fun!Like <A href="http://slowlygoingbald.com/2008/02/prophecies_and_fantasies_a_key.html">Dan</A> and <A href="http://specialwayofbeingafraid.blogspot.com/2008/02/all-roads-lead-to-aswoba.htmll">John</A>, I decided to give you guys a glimpse into what draws people to my little corner on the internets, despite that I barely have time to keep up with it anymore. I'm not making any of this up whatsoever:<br /><br />cartoon mouse fucking cheese<br />audio of timothy treadwell and his girlfriend being eaten by bears<br />stinking happy time<br />power rangers incest<br />bret michaels going bald pictures<br />american gladiator theme song<br />i hate everything syndrome<br />ghostbusters molester scene<br />mother and i fucking in the swimming pool<br />Dustin Diamond dildo<br />skinniest feet<br />lickey boom boom down<br />fucking girls even though you have warts on your feet<br />pedigree dog food commercial: too sexy<br />johnny damon talks weirdlitelysaltedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08817381245212129546noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30519433.post-16061330467438169952008-02-04T05:52:00.000-08:002008-02-04T06:13:34.057-08:00Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0_w0ypeQFzfBG24uxdHwu9tEvKg42uE4uoAKRlx3SYF1asqCIAcCUhWdloqKcK3xA6t-Jm0qbR2vrDP0boUe_thDAXtVMlo8y_hJzNLl6j1GzekIPGiobch7KA2Pun8A9Ba3Zhg/s1600-h/hannah.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0_w0ypeQFzfBG24uxdHwu9tEvKg42uE4uoAKRlx3SYF1asqCIAcCUhWdloqKcK3xA6t-Jm0qbR2vrDP0boUe_thDAXtVMlo8y_hJzNLl6j1GzekIPGiobch7KA2Pun8A9Ba3Zhg/s400/hannah.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5163127906352458562" /></a><br />Oh, yes. I did. <A href="http://www.pajiba.com/hannah-montanamiley-cyrus-best-of-both-worlds.htm">Click here</A> for the review.litelysaltedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08817381245212129546noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30519433.post-65633497034737346522008-01-30T06:37:00.000-08:002008-01-30T07:04:29.266-08:00I Hate Everything<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPvVb5F0IiHI6EdLm1lahAa2CL2MUMr8weIgFAyYm2_ALCUPy2U7tpyFPBGqK9obkGDv_xXnsf0YRTgzPIW7zAaItVgRcTN1Cvr8qEZLRPZUxoIa87hgRbDmmRW-1AP5Ai6gwU2w/s1600-h/vale.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPvVb5F0IiHI6EdLm1lahAa2CL2MUMr8weIgFAyYm2_ALCUPy2U7tpyFPBGqK9obkGDv_xXnsf0YRTgzPIW7zAaItVgRcTN1Cvr8qEZLRPZUxoIa87hgRbDmmRW-1AP5Ai6gwU2w/s400/vale.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5161283763359673138" /></a>My hometown of Phoenixville, PA has seen a ton of economic growth in the past five years or so, mostly unsurprising and inevitable for a suburb outside of Philadelphia. Some of it's been bad, as in the strip malls which are popping up left and right, and some good -- as in the historic downtown area seeing a complete restoration and resurgence.<br /><br />However, the fate of two landmarks: the Vale-Rio diner and the historic Fountain Inn, have been hanging in the balance for some time now. There were rumors the properties were going to be sold to developers, protests and town meetings to address such rumors, zoning issues, etc. But it looks like the diner and bar/restaurant are finally <A href="http://www.phoenixvillenews.com/WebApp/appmanager/JRC/Daily;jsessionid=GpTzHgHRlg1Y4k7LQgnhhhpn9p2mDjTdSL3p7xZpLT7JGth32tTL!-1055107857?_nfpb=true&_pageLabel=pg_article&r21.pgpath=%2FPVN%2FHome&r21.content=%2FPVN%2FHome%2FTopStoryList_Story_1501574">closing their doors</A> to make way for a -- wait for it -- Starfucks and Walgreens.<br /><br />Although I don't live in Phoenixville anymore the Fountain Inn (a.k.a the Lazy Dog Saloon) is my favorite watering hole when I go back to visit friends. They fill your wine all the way to the top of the oversized wine glass and it costs like three dollars. (And sometimes if you're <i>really</i> lucky, there'll even be a dead body in the parking lot!) Not to mention the diner which was a staple growing up, and also featured in the camp horror movie <i>The Blob</i>.<br /><br />The whole thing just makes me really sad. And frustrated. And powerless. The diner, especially, is kind of like the heart of the town, and means so much to so many. The level of greed and callousness is just mind boggling. And this is exactly why I live out in the country, and plan on moving further out if development warrants.<br /><br />Bleh. Sorry for the depressing post. I promise, more funny next time.litelysaltedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08817381245212129546noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30519433.post-49213293315322779642008-01-29T12:10:00.000-08:002008-01-29T12:17:25.320-08:00Life Sucks and Then You Die<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii8NPyXLCEP_Ogntmu2j0_b-2EXcDiFVMYYoo_EYAtzahrvedLg2TMqzVEVHTlNrFaAXMtdgEh_VHndBnFpeMY-ypLg4k44lBuGnlKWcF2i4jMckxTfM-aGVeGVzV9SDmQ1OtVHw/s1600-h/breakingbad.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii8NPyXLCEP_Ogntmu2j0_b-2EXcDiFVMYYoo_EYAtzahrvedLg2TMqzVEVHTlNrFaAXMtdgEh_VHndBnFpeMY-ypLg4k44lBuGnlKWcF2i4jMckxTfM-aGVeGVzV9SDmQ1OtVHw/s400/breakingbad.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5160995059953003298" /></a>My first totally serious, non-cracking jokefest review of the AMC series "Breaking Bad" is up at Pajiba. Good <i>lord</i> is this show intense. Check it <A href="http://www.pajiba.com/breaking-bad.htm">here</A>.litelysaltedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08817381245212129546noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30519433.post-77925513106328237682008-01-25T13:12:00.000-08:002008-01-25T13:27:56.864-08:00Who's the Biggest Idiot?If I told you that I got tricked by a spammer to post a link to a "penile enhancement" website on my gossip site, would you think I am just a run of the mill idiot; or like the biggest idiot in the whole wide world?<br /><br /><i>Ohhhkay</i>, biggest idiot in the whole wide world, then? Yes?<br /><br />I have to admit, it was pretty brilliant. Somehow the spammers are getting smarter, like terminators or those super smart dinosaurs in Jurassic Park. This is what I got in my email this morning:<br /><br /><blockquote>Hey,<br />My husband and I are a big fan of your site, even though he hates to admit it :) . Recently he did reveal his true gossip queen side. He showed me an interesting thing he found on a site that he asked me to confirm. The site is called <i>link purposely omitted</i> and it has britney's paparazzi boyfriend adnan as one of its product reviewers. Maybe this was something that he was doing on the side before he got all the media attention? I always thought that he was a sell-out, but this is going to a whole new level. Was he or is he still really a test monkey for a male enhancement review site? I wonder how much they paid him? Is there any way that you can verify wether it is true or not?<br /><br />Here is the link to where his info is:<br />(<i>link purposely omitted</i>)<br /><br /><br />I know you have a lot of e-mails to reply to, but please let me know if you find out anything more about this<br /><br />P.S.- My husband was really excited when he found out that I was going to email you about this because he feels like he is contributing to the gossip community.<br /><br />Thanks.<br />Mary & John</blockquote><br /><br /><br />So before I could even contemplate the validity of said prospect, I already was crackin' away, with visions of Us Weekly and TMZ and widespread exposure dancing in my head, announcing to the world, "<A href="http://www.webstersismybitch.com">Webster's Is My Bitch</A> was first to break the story..."<br /><br />Sigh.<br /><br />Better luck next time.litelysaltedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08817381245212129546noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30519433.post-49412085727521413152008-01-18T09:10:00.000-08:002008-01-18T09:54:26.477-08:00Kibbles and BitsI've let you all down. At a month and a half, this is the longest I've ever let the blog sit idle. Maybe I'll make this my half assed, late to the party New Year's resolution to update at least once a week.<br /><br />So here's some random things that have been going on with me in the past month and a half.<br /><br /><b>Twin Peaks</b><br />Mr. Salty is a huge David Lynch fan. Me? Not so much. His films, while visually interesting, frustrate the living shit out of me to the point where I want to hurl the remote out the window. However, since I am since I <i>am</i> a television fan I decided to sit down and watch "Twin Peaks" on DVD, after picking up the second season for Mr. Salty for his birthday late last year.<br /><br />And you know what? I fucking loved it. We watched -- no, <i>inhaled</i> -- the entire series all the way through between Christmas and New Years. Between the quirky, soap-opera'ey storylines, creepy-ass mystery, fantastic characters, (Agent Cooper, Leland Palmer) retarded characters to make fun of (Stupid James and Leo) -- it was like someone took little pieces of everything I love about television and crammed it into one series. I briefly considered doing a comprehensive series review for Pajiba but ultimately couldn't collect my thoughts adequately enough. I was a little miffed about the finale, though. Although I won't get into in detail since I know at least one person out there in the process of watching the series -- I will say I understand and appreciate it, but personally didn't care for it much. Thoughts?<br /><br /><b>Exer-ma-cising</b><br />Attempting to get back into some kind of respectable shape as well as motivation to get my damn ass to the gym in the first place -- I started working out with a personal trainer once a week. In addition to training with him on the weekend, I also follow a circuit training schedule he developed for me on 2-3 days a week. So far it's been working out swimmingly, despite frequently missing sessions due to inclement weather, Christmas-a-palooza, and one long weekend of an ass-exploding stomach bug. I've been lifting weights and strength training for over two years now, but it's amazing the difference it makes when you, y'know, do it the <i>right</i> way.<br /><br /><b>The Fucking McNuggets Commercial</b><br />This commercial has been the bane of my existence for the past several weeks. It makes me dread turning on the TV at night. I guess the story goes -- and fuck you, I'm not doing research so if I have this wrong than so be it -- but I guess these two asshats uploaded this rap they invented on YouTube and now McDonalds is torturing the masses with it. So, good job on that, marketing fuckwits. I just hope the good people at Yoohoo don't ever decided to hire Tay Zonday or we're all doomed.<br /><br /><object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/-lOyZKmRRuI&rel=1"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/-lOyZKmRRuI&rel=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object><br /><br />So that's about it, in a nutshell. And if I can't keep my promise hopefully that'll hold y'all off for awhile.litelysaltedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08817381245212129546noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30519433.post-81334549431767008222007-12-03T07:43:00.000-08:002007-12-03T12:35:42.024-08:00Fa la la la lahhh! french vanilla!One thing I love about the holidays is how advertisers really jack up those stupidity levels. It's like they save up all year, by just being moderately stupid -- and then pull out the big guns for the clusterfuck of rampant consumerism. However, it seems like every year there's always one standout holiday commercial that <i>especially</i> makes me want to put my fist through the TV, and this year the crown goes to Lowe's.<br /><br />I couldn't find a clip of this anywhere, because for some reason the kids aren't in much of a hurry to upload Lowe's commercials to YouTube. But the premise is such: Doofy white male goes to Lowe's to buy his wife a Christmas gift. Okay, unless your wife is Rosie the Riveter, this is probably a bad idea right out of the gate. And because men are apparently so stupid they can't be trusted with the simplest task of finding their lifelong partner a suitable gift, hilarity ensues when Doof accosts an attractive blonde Lowe's employee to pose as his wife and help him pick something out. Being that it <i>is</i> Lowe's after all, he predictably picks out the usual assortment of tools and lawnmowers that his wife obviously wouldn't want, only to finally happen upon a rack of giftcards which gets a big smile and thumbs up from employee-wife.<br /><br />This commercial is just so wrong on so many levels. First of all, giving someone a giftcard is usually a big helping of "I don't care enough to put thought into this gift" or "I don't know you well enough to find a satisfactory gift." Be that as it may, it's a perfectly acceptable thing to give almost anyone with the exception of your <i>spouse</i>. Second of all, if you're a big enough schmuck to give your wife a giftcard, I would hope to hell you could think of someplace better than a goddamn home improvement store. So Lowe's, my hat's off to you -- thanks for pushing the idiotic envelope.<br /><br />And now -- and I say this without a trace of irony -- my all time favorite holiday commercial: French Vanilla Cool Whip. Don't miss the last 3 seconds, I promise, it's worth the wait.<br /><br /><object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/1vGSsJ6k_W4&rel=1"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/1vGSsJ6k_W4&rel=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>litelysaltedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08817381245212129546noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30519433.post-51396064122735621122007-11-26T05:56:00.000-08:002007-11-26T05:57:40.676-08:00LOL DOGS: Too Much Turkey Edition<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg77aARZlTH0pel8-8ByqSgDaxnjd-bpqKF420j6arw7NnpZ_OSIB_rWMEWf5oiYr9uQsAwtQQ91ynFL2S4o394bBqmEvZTsRDskkxH9qqqonkBjED0s4IbJ9LInRSySjjZQg6QCQ/s1600-h/LOLDOGS1.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg77aARZlTH0pel8-8ByqSgDaxnjd-bpqKF420j6arw7NnpZ_OSIB_rWMEWf5oiYr9uQsAwtQQ91ynFL2S4o394bBqmEvZTsRDskkxH9qqqonkBjED0s4IbJ9LInRSySjjZQg6QCQ/s400/LOLDOGS1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5137147831723049506" /></a>litelysaltedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08817381245212129546noreply@blogger.com4