I've Moved...

Well, not really. Same domain, different host. If you're reading this, update your feed/links to litelysalted.com.

I am Pathetic

So much for my moratorium on wasteful spending. I just returned from the PetSmart where I purchased:

• Bag of Science Diet OralCare food nuggets. ($13)
• Three plastic frisbees @ $1 each. ($3)
• Checkout donation to animal shelter. ($1)
• Stuffed toy from my favorite PetSmart commercial (above). ($10)

Not that I mind spending money on my dogs, but they're just as happy with stuffed toys from the dollar store as expensive PetSmart brand toys. It is a really, really cute fucking dog toy, though. You have to admit. Come on!

This Made My Day

From Prisco's 2008 Comic-Con coverage:

Derek Mears plays Jason, and he’s a huge dude, but very well-spoken and seemingly nice. Of course, I just saw him impale a guy on a busted up cop car, and come rampaging out of the woods about to split a chick’s head with the machete. Jason isn’t a lumbering stalker in this one, he’s fast, and menacing, and violent. Whatever. And for Stacey, Jared Padalecki is a charming motherfucker. He was totally hilarious, and easily the only worthwhile part of the panel. Not enough to make me watch “Supernatural,” but still, he’s pretty cool.

Almost as good as a reader who last year sent me pictures of Jensen Ackles from the "Supernatural" panel. I think I'm starting to be famous purely for my love of all things Jared and Jensen. Which would be cool except that I'm almost 31. Ah well. And don't forget: J-Pad is also an animal lover. See? Obvs an all-around awesome dude.

Just Hook it to my Veins

I finally did it. I broke down to the peer pressure from the internet, TV, Prisco, Beckylooo and the rest of the universe, decided to get an iPhone. I stopped at the mall on my way to the gym this morning and ordered it. Later during my workout, the immediate vicinity around my gym was hit with a lightning and hail producing thunderstorm of apocalyptic proportions, and I decided that it was God punishing me for buying the iPhone. (Which is silly, of course, because I don't believe in God!)

I made the decision on a whim, which is how I make all of my important, life-altering decisions. For the longest time I've resisted in going for a smart phone, for two reasons. One being that the times I'm not actually sitting in front of a computer are so few, that I cherish my personal time -- and two being that I didn't want to pay an extra $30 on my phone bill a month for the privilege of losing said personal time and completely succumbing to technology. However, after arriving home from my recent vacation to find over 200 emails in my inbox, I started getting the itch. Still, I was considering a cheaper model. But Blackberrys are ugly, and after perusing the Palm Centros at Best Buy yesterday, I decided that I didn't like the keypad and that the screen was too small. So it only made sense: I should get an iPhone. Right?

The logic is thusly. I'm usually a pretty frugal spender, but lately I have been completely irresponsible with money. Literally, here is an itemized report of money I've thrown down the toilet (or at least, spent very, very carelessly) in the past month or so:

• $50 in late fees for my J. Crew card. (Really? They do that for being one day late? Live and learn.)
• $200 on five new summer dresses. (I got good deals on them, but yeah: Five.)
• $65 on getting my keys out of my car. (See recent.)
• $17 on a glass vase shaped like a bird. (Purchase fueled by a half bottle of wine consumed at an expensive crepe restaurant down the street from store vase acquired from.)
• $30 on ill-fitting Pittsburg, NH souvenir sweatshirt that came down to my knees on vacation after leaving my favorite red hoodie at home. (Although I ended up giving that to Dustin, only slightly used and covered in dog hair, so it wasn't a total loss.)
• $20 on finger puppets. (Yeah, I don't really have an excuse/explanation for this one.)
• $2 on a bottle of water at the gym today. (Because I left my reusable one in the freezer at home, two strikes for being bad for the environment.)

So why exactly does blowing $384 (not even counting what I consider to be justified purchases like a new kayak and camera) constitute that I should spend another $200+ on an iPhone? Well, if I have a new iPhone, I'll most likely feel somewhat guilty about the purchase. This means I can whip it out and admire it lovingly whenever I get the urge to blow my self-made tuna sandwich for lunch at the local Mediterranean restaurant, or buy an extra half dozen bottles of wine that I like just because it's on sale for like a dollar off. See? My logic is astounding! Aside from the sweet GPS and internet at your fingertips, buyer guilt is one of the less publicized features of owning your very own iPhone.

Plus? I've had the same pink Razr for almost three years now, and I actually spent the same amount on that as I did on the new iPhone. And you know what? They've been giving away pink Razrs for about two of those years, making me feel like a stupid chump. Fuck that. At least I know that Steve Jobs is too much of a greedface to ever give away anything for free. (Although if they come out with pink ones in the next year, and they probably will, I'll be pissed.) So as I walked out of the mall today, texting Mr. Salty on that pink Razr and knowing it was one of the last times I would ever feel totally lame texting from a pink Razr in public, I did feel pret-ty damn good.

I Has a Bucket

I was drinking a big cup of water when I opened this and it made water go up into my nose. True story.

(Source)

Sixty-five Bucks

Well, it finally happened: I locked my damn keys in the car. I lost my original set of car keys about four or five years ago in some kind of black hole which appeared in my house just long enough to eat them as I was running late for a doctors appointment. To this day, they've never been heard from again. So I've been using my spare key/keyless entry fob, and every year or so, I think to myself, "I should really make a copy." And of course, I never do because I'm lazy.

Last night I was again running late for an appointment -- this time with my hair stylist -- and I jumped out of my car at the salon, grabbed my purse, grabbed my cellphone, smacked the lock button on the door and slammed it, only to realize at the exact moment the door was slamming that my keys were still danging in the ignition. Fuck!

I don't know what was ultimately more degrading: having to shell out the biggest waste of $65 for the whole three minutes it took the locksmith to open my car door; or having to do so wearing hot pink capris and a button-down shirt with cherries on it, which is a cute outfit for a young looking 30-year-old to be wearing... Unless this 30-year-old had just had her hair cut and styled into a teased bouffant, (I don't know why she still insists on doing that, dammit) in which case, made me look like a young old lady-girl named "Flo."

Research Fail

Yesterday I was responding to a commenter over on Webster's, and basically the long and short of it is that the commenter expressed for her wish for Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag to shoot one another with their newly acquired firearms. I started to respond, saying that if it didn't happen, I was going to seriously consider disowning the concept of "ironic foreshadowing." Then I paused for a moment, stopping to consider whether or not "ironic foreshadowing" was an actual concept in itself. So naturally, not wanting to look stupid in front of my readers, I did a perfunctory google search which yielded this result. Hmmm. I'm seriously reconsidering how much I stock I take in the google research I do in the course of my blogging.

Also, for as sophisticatedly funny as I (try to) come off on the internet, this is secretly the kind of thing that makes me laugh. Oops, secret fail.

All By Myself

So maybe this doesn't seem very impressive... But if you successfully parallel-parked for the first time ever at age 30, you'd be damn sure to capture it for posterity, too.