Petite-O

Being small in stature, I have learned to deal with some of the minor handicaps life has thrown my way. I need the assistance of a step stool to reach any of the taller cabinets in my kitchen, being able to see over the wheel is a major consideration when purchasing a vehicle, and my two medium-sized dogs outweigh me to the extent that sometimes our walks conclude with smoke pluming from my heels.

Well, I recently happened upon another affliction of my size. Apparently, I can't wear a shirtdress. It's only like, the hottest look of the season, PEOPLE! As if it's not bad enough that I can't wear capri pants, or anything with a "cropped" fit. Do you see this dress? Isn't it pretty? WHY DOESN'T IT FIT ME LIKE THAT?! At 108 pounds, I'm rather curvy for my size; but worrying about looking "fat" is still the least of my concerns when buying clothes. Yet somehow this... this devil garment managed to add 50 pounds to my small frame.

Enthusiastically I had ripped the dress, an online purchase, from the package... But within a moment my expression went from thrilled to horrified. Mr. Salted cackled away in the background, loving every minute of it: "It looks HOOOORRIBLE!!!!" Truly, it was horrible, like something my creepy hippie high school art teacher would have worn... Or a frumpy prairie marm surrounded by children.

Luckily enough, I managed to unload the dress on ebay, making a cool $35 profit. Maybe worth my pain and suffering. Hopefully whomever receives the cursed thing next is 5'9 and rail thin.

Note: Do you guys totally love it how I can seamlessly transition from Buffy fangirl geekiness to pseudo-politics to clothes? Such is the way of the Salted One...