Friday, April 27, 2007

Flavor of Love IV: Debutards

Confession time: When Flavor of Love premiered I couldn't bring myself to watch it. I was all Flav'ed out from both the Surreal Life and the abysmal Strange Love. But after watching footage of the "Spit Heard Round The World" I couldn't help myself but tune into the second installment, which luckily brought back Miss New York so I was all caught up by the time the glorious I Love New York aired.

It was then that I realized something. The Flavor of Love equation actually works better without it's proprietary character, because, you know what? Flavor Flav is annoying as shit. And when you take away the annoying as shit factor, you're left with nothing but marvelously entertaining skeezebags, manskanks, and attention whores.

The formula appears to be working; I Love New York was a smash hit and the trend continues with Charm School, debuting with 5.1 million viewers– a network record. The show is hosted by comedienne (?) Mo'Nique, who I'm not entirely familiar with, although she seems to fill the slot well enough. So I guess technically the premise of the show is to find out which girl can become most ladylike, to be bestowed a large cash sum. But we all know what the real premise is, and that is to watch crazy bitches fight! Hellz YEAH!

Here are my picks so far:

Pumkin: To quote fellow blogger Natalia, Bitches be hatin on Pumpkin already! Pumkin is the aforementioned "spitter" from Flavor of Love 1. (The "spittee" being Miss New York herself.) I don't have too much else to say about Pumkin at this point, other than that she turned up at the I Love New York reunion on the arm of none other than Mr. Boston himself, and for those you who would like to replace your Screech Sex tape nightmares with another visual, boasted of the "great sex" they were having. Indeed.

Saaphyri: Saaphyri's time on The Flavor of Love 2 was so brief (albeit memorable) that she didn't even earn a nickname, although you may fondly remember her as the Lip Chap Girl. In the aftermath of the fight which gets her booted, Saaphyri offers the other girl some "lip chap" and then prays, "Please God don't let me beat down this white bitch's ass again." (It's fantastic, and you can watch it here.)

Hottie: Although I missed Hottie on Flavor of Love 1, she seems be doing a stellar job of filling the delusional batshit crazy void we're left with without New York. By the second episode she's let her inner psychopath out full force, hiding some of the other girls dresses in a kitchen cabinet. Why, you ask? Allow me to reiterate: delusional batshit crazy.

Krazee: Sadly, at the time of this writing Krazee has already been booted from the show, which is a shame because she was probably the most pathetic Flavorette, therefore the most enjoyable to laugh at. In The Flavor of Love 2, Krazee (self nicknamed Nevaeh, which is "Heaven" spelled backwards) demonstrates delusions of grandeur in that she aspires to be a recording artist. Unfortunately for her and her beat-ass demo tape, her pitiful "singing talents" would get her booed offstage a talent show for short bus kids.

Aaaaaaand, there you have it, folks! See you at the next spin-off!


beth said...

You got me hooked on I Love NY, goddamn you.....but I won't do can't make me watch this one....

I'm sure I'll see at least half the season.

Osbourne Black said...

I don't know nor do I care what "Flavor of Love" or "Surreal Life" or "Strange Love" or "Charm School" is or does.
All I hope for is that this reality TV 'shtick' ends soon. Reality TV alone, is ruining the moral fiber of the human race.

I do know who Flavor Flav is though. Yea boyeee!

Osbourne Black said...

P.S. Have a great weekend Salted!

aejr said...

pumkin was also on an episode of NEXT, by the way. she's got a reality show resume building.

April said...

Oh, Miss Litely Salted,
Again, we are so much alike. I didn't get into Flava Of Love, but this show has captured my ADD ridden brain. Hottie is fun to watch and I hope she creates more mischief. Reality shows aren't my cup of tea, but this one is entertaining.

JoE said...

I really wanted to use this clip for a project I'm working on for class. When I went to view the video though, it said that it's private. Any chance you'd be able to send me the clip, or allow me access. YouTube username is pgsjoe. Thanks.