Wednesday, August 01, 2007

30 Days Later

At the end of this month, in exactly 30 days, on the 30th of August, I will turn 30 years old. For some reason or another I've spent the past 11 months in a mild state of terror about this. So stupid, right? By this point I just want to get it over with so I can stop dreading it already -- kind of like when I was waiting to have my wisdom teeth removed. Infection notwithstanding, I think that might prove to be slightly less painful. Although -- Mr. Salted turned 30 a few years ago and he's fine! Right? A little worse for wear with some grey starting to show around his temples -- but overall still displaying a level of youthful exuberance.

There is one thing that's making me feel slightly better about this, and that's these photos that recently surfaced of actress Jamie Pressly's 30th birthday celebration. Becuase, damn! She's just turning 30? Man -- I may be old as dirt, but at least I look a hell of a lot better than this haggard tranny. You go girl, it takes a lot of guts to dress up like a Pirate Whore for your old lady milestone. But if you need me on August 30th? I'll be under the covers cradling a box of wine.


TK said...

Woman please. Turning 30 is a walk in the park. My wife looks fantastic, possibly better than she did at 30. I'm turning 33 in March - I'm not worried about a birthday until 35, then you might as well move to Florida and stock up on plaid pants. But until then, you're still a rock star. Trust me.

A Bowl Of Stupid said...

I gotta go with TK on turning 30, but I disagree with him totally about turning 35 (even if he was just joking).

Seriously, until this past year, the whole "age" thing has always been an issue for me. However, I'm turning 38 in 2 months (wow, that was REALLY hard to write), and I just recently realized that I feel better, I'm having more fun, and, IMHO, I look better now than I ever did 10 years ago.

I know it's totally cliche to say, but until you hit 45-50 (or get married, whichever comes first), the whole "growing old" thing is all in your head. If you feel like you're getting older, well then, yes, it's time to go shopping with TK for those plaid pants. Otherwise, go get pissed at a bar somewhere.

And with that, I'm off to go surfing in Indonesia for another month ... see you in September.

Have a great birthday. Salude.

cubicalgirl said...

To be fair, didn't JP just have a baby? But she still looks heinous.

As for turning 30, it's awesome. I spent my 30th in Disney World, meeting my girl Cinderella, taking drunken photos with Donald Duck, and dressing up in costume (as Alice in Wonderland) to attend Disney's Halloween parade. If it'll make you feel better you can even use my rallying cry: "I'm turning 30, bitches!!!!" Make sure you throw up the devil horns with at least one hand while you're saying it.

litelysalted said...

Heh, thanks for the votes of confidence, guys. (And have an awesome time, Matt!)

But to quote Bruce McCullough (as Kathy) -- "I'm cute. Cute doesn't age well!"

Gah. I'm going to look like a 15 year old with grey hair and wrinkles.

Ranylt said...

Another August baby! All the best ones are--they don't call it "august" for nothing, peeps. :)

I'm turning 37 (!!!!) on the 18th, and do I have a 30th-birthday story for you, Litely:

I, like you, had been dreading it. D-R-E-A-D-I-N-G. I wasn't happy in my work, I'd just broken up with my fiance, and I'd also just located my first grey hair (seven years later, there are only about seven total so far--one per year ain't half bad).

Then, on my last day as a twenty-something, my grandmother died, so I spent my birthday in a funeral parlour. Grieving. The capper--all of my friends had to leave town a few days before (they all had very good reasons: work, reloations to Asia and, ironically, a sick grandma), so the 30th birthday with no friends around became the funeral with no friends to support me.

I think milestone birthdays only really "hurt" when we aren't satisfied with things. Shortly after turning 30 I went back to grad school, became what I'd wanted to be since I was 12, and haven't looked back. 40--however absurd a concept for someone who still gets carded, on occasion, for Christ's sake--will be a lot more tolerable thanks to happiness in all walks of life.

I have a sense 30 will be just fine for you, Stace--you seem so content, after all, and life-loving.

Hurray for grey-haired girls with teenaged faces!

April said...

Your blogs always make me laugh. I was a little freaked out when I turned 30. However, I feel as if I finally have my crap together and am wiser about life. Besides, I've heard "30" is the new "20".

Joey O. said...

2. I think cute ages better, sorry Bruce.
3. Yeah, Jamie Pressley did just have a baby...and she's way over-made up there.

sme said...

Wow. Based on the photos of seen of you on myspazz, I would've never guessed that you were anywhere near 30. In fact, I thought I was older than you are!

aejr said...

Can I just tell you... that Bruce quote flits through my mind like at least twice a day when I think about aging. Are the Kids totally implanted in your subconscious too? I know what you mean though. The meaning of "Thirty" has changed recently I think, and I think that "Forty" is partly at fault. Like by thinking of forty as younger, the media made thirty seem older. But aging is like death, it's something that we all have to do. We are all going to get wrinklier as the years progress. The important thing is that you have a great man who is going to think that you're the hottest 15-year-old with grey hair that he's ever seen. :)

Manny said...

Hey, you could just do what Mrs. Disco does and continue to celebrate the 5 anniversary of turning 25. For guys, turning 30 is like turning 22. Doesn't really count for much. But for women...yikes. It's like looking at your odometer and realizing your 50,000 miles past the time to get a tune up.

Have a good one!

MEECH! said...

Share the covers, and pass the wine.

I'll be 30 in 1.5 years. I still act like a retard, but I'm sure starting to look like my fat saggy grandma... flabberiffic upper arms, errant chin-hairs, etc.

Bollocks to bad genes!!!

megbon said...

Chiming in: Litely: your 30s will ROCK! I may be saying that since I'm in the waning days of my own. But, I loved being in my 30s. You're young enough to party like a rock star and old enough to have a salary where you can afford to party like a rock star.

That said, some very important advice: There comes an age where a woman is too old to fall asleep with her makeup on. And that age is 30. Wash every night, use a good moisturizer and keep those cheeks out of the sun. That way you can party like a rock star without looking like a haggard old wench.