Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Isn't marketing great?

I ran down to the local sandwich and news shop a couple of blocks away to get a soda to have with my lunch. I had to wait in line to purchase my Diet Dr. Pepper behind a lady with the biggest ass I've ever seen in my entire life while she took forever digging pennies out of her change purse to pay for her Nutty Buddy and lottery tickets. (Personally I think she could have done without either.)

By the time I got back to my office I was so hungry that I promptly bit the shit out of my lip trying to eat leftover pasta salad and instead passed the time entering the contest on the Dr. Pepper bottle. Aren't soda bottle contests great? Instead of just telling you if you won or not, now they make you access a webpage to find out. And what's more, they actually get willing suckers like myself to FORFEIT PERSONAL INFORMATION to enter the stupid contest!!! Now what could possibly be worth giving Dr. Pepper everything but my social security number and mother's maiden name? Why, one of these crass vehicles, of course!*

Don't get me wrong. Now I don't actually WANT a hummer. If I won it, I would take a photo of myself giving it the finger to submit to, and then sell it and donate the money to an environmental charity. Okay, I lie, I would just buy a hybrid vehicle with it. Okay, I still lie, I would probably spend most of the money on furniture, clothes, and useless crap. But I STILL would give it the finger and then sell it. And that's the honest truth.

But, of course I didn't win. Because, duh. And now Dr. Pepper knows everything about me and yet I'll probably go back and get another soda and enter the contest again tomorrow.

* Tip! Don't ever try searching yahoo images for an "H3" at work because for some strange reason it brings up an ungodly amount of pornography. Like even wieners going into buttholes and stuff like that. Not cool.

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