Monday, August 28, 2006

Fuck you very much!

I knew I'd be writing this morning; I just didn't know if it would be a smug post or a bitter post. It turns out, as the title clearly expresses, it wound up being the latter. The Emmy's were on last night. I usually don't pay much attention to awards shows because I hate most celebrities and can't stand seeing them congregate several times a year to pat themselves on the back. Also since I don't watch many mainstream movies (and only a select few tv shows) they're usually about as interesting to me as math to a dog.

However! The Emmy's this year held special importance. The brilliant Arrested Development, also known as My Favorite Show Of All Time, was up for three awards, including Outstanding Comedy Series. Arrested was mercilessly cancelled due to "poor ratings" which were directly the result of the FOX Network's negligent-bordering-on-criminal scheduling and marketing practices. Thanks to Fox not even most die hard fans knew when Arrested aired, and as a final F U they ran the last four episodes opposite the Olympic opening ceremonies, sans promotions of any kind.

Suffice to say, the loss was devastating to fans such as myself. And yes I cried real tears when I heard the news. That's why an Emmy win was so important: a big final F U to Fox, to thank the writers and cast for doing such a great job, and at least to show the world what they missed.
Didn't. Fucking. Happen.

Here's what did happen.

Nomination: Will Arnett; Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series
Winner: That Guy from PCU

A few days shy of my 29th birthday, the fact that I refer to Jeremy Piven as "That guy from PCU" should show you exactly how out of touch I am. I notice he suspiciously seems to have more hair now than he did in his PCU days, which makes me wonder. Would they have given the Emmy to some bald dude? Would Entourage even have cast a bald, unsightly Jeremy Piven? You might even say Will Arnett lost the Emmy which was rightfully his to a fake ass head of man-hair! I call shenanigans! Shenanigans!!

Nomination: Arrested Development; Outstanding Writing For A Comedy Series
Winner: That horrible 'Earl' show

This is easily the most painful blow of the night. For one thing, Arrested Development is arguably the most finely crafted, brilliantly written show in the history of television. Even so, the competition which included Ricky Gervais, was nothing to snort at. And yet somehow the no-brainer redneck-humor show wins? Come on! I've tried watching that show and it's NOT FUNNY. And it's NOT well written. AT ALL. That stupid Jason Lee's narration really grates on me, too. You want good narration? Try watching Arrested. In the immortal words of Ron Howard: "And that's how you narrate a story." Bitch.

Nomination: Arrested Development; Outstanding Comedy Series
Winner: The Office

This was the most bittersweet category. It was the one I was banking on the most, yet part of me is just relieved that they didn't lose to Two And A Half Men. If that had happened, I would have probably passed out by now from all the banging of my head onto solid surfaces. If they had to lose to anyone, I probably would have preferred it would have been Curb, but The Office is not bad for a show that was ripped off of a better show. Still. Although I'm grasping for a silver lining, in all seriousness this is the most soul crushingly disappointed I've been since the '04 Presidential Elections.

Arrested Development, Season 3 comes out on DVD tomorrow. If the last two seasons are any indication it will be on the best seller lists for quite some time. If you haven't seen the show, go out and rent it. But try not to enjoy it too much because keep in mind, you're part of the reason why it failed miserably. We all told you to watch, and you didn't. And now no one gets to watch it. Jerks.


Chris said...

I know a lot of people who loved AD and I bet you do too. I'm sure more people watched it and any number of other shows than the out-of-date Nielsen family system reflects. You'd probably have to be a wanker to want one of those Neilsen boxes in your home, and thus your tastes will drift toward Jim Belushi-centric wankery. That logic is airtight! It's not like (another) Emmy win would've done the show any good, might as well give it to something half-decent that's still on the air. People with taste know what the Good Stuff is anyway, and it ain't Frasier, which seemed to win Best Sitcom every year for about 15 years.

All things considered, "AD" had a great run, went out w/ a perfect last episode, and didn't the creator pretty much admit he was out of gas when Showtime was courting them?

That said, I'll probably scoff similarly when the amazing Deadwood inevitably loses to Desperate Housewives or whatever next year.

Chris said...

Also, I'd like to see Piven come down w/ a case of Graft vs. Host from those hair plugs, as I hate Entourage.

litelysalted said...

Thank you for your kind words, but I have to disagree with this statement: It's not like (another) Emmy win would've done the show any good, might as well give it to something half-decent that's still on the air.

It's true. An Emmy win wouldn't have brought the show back from the dead, but it should have won because it deserved to win. (In my opinion, anyway.) The fact that it's not on the air anymore is irrevelant. If you want to get into schematics like that, you could also argue that AD deserved to win because it's never going to have another shot. The Office is a smash hit. If they keep up the momentum of their current success, they may very well have 10 more Outstanding Comedy Emmy's coming to them.

As much as I love Colbert I thought it was unfair but still humorous that he lost to Barry Manilow. I mean, whatev's! Right? Let Barry have his little trophy. There's always next year for Colbert.

Never even seen Entourage. Graft vs. Host? Brilliant!

Chris said...

I see what you mean, and I agree it's the best show and deserved to win, but as you know "deserve" and "Emmys" are two words that just don't go together, except for the first time Arrested won. These are the people who never, ever nominated the Simpsons, because it was a cartoon, or The Wire and Homicide because they were filmed in Baltimore and thus completely under the radar. As for the Office, I was under the impression it's just a modest hit but it looks like I'm wrong.

I turned the Emmys on after Deadwood and saw Colbert and Stewart's presentation, which was hilarious. "Good evening, godless sodomites."

litelysalted said...

I do take solace in the fact that they won the first year, although unfortunately it didn't occur to Fox to use, oh, a crushing Emmy victory for a first year sitcom as part of a competent marketing strategy. Sonsofbitches.

Did you catch the montage of bears while they read off the writers names for The Colbert Report? I think that was my personal favorite moment. Leave it to Colbert to take something as godawful as an awards show and make it hilarious!

Chris said...

I didn't see the bear montage. If only they'd let him host the whole show in character.

spankcheeks said...

I'm just relieved that Desperate Housewives got the stiff-arm. I hate that fucking show.

litelysalted said...

The best was how Alfrie Woodard (?) was up for an Emmy for supporting actress in a comedy series. Yeah! Because "pensive" is the new "funny" right?

Aw crap. I think I just admitted to watching Desperate Housewives.