Nasty Christmas

Hello, my name is Litelysalted... and my family sucks at Christmas. Well, not my whole family. My grandmother sucks at Christmas, and she passed it down to my mother, and luckily for my sister and myself the gene seems to have dispersed itself out at this point. Although for me, the holiday season has long since lost it's spiritual connotations, I still enjoy spending time with loved ones and bestowing onto them thoughtful and considerate gifts.

My mother, on the other hand, seems to have missed the thoughtful and considerate part. Her problems are as follows:

1. She loves shopping.
2. She loves deals.
3. She buys what she likes, not what you like.
3.5. She has awful, nonsensical taste.

This would explain last year's haul which included: A ginormous Santa Head cookie jar, a bizarre metal (painted to look like wrought iron) fold-up chair (compliments of Boscov's) with a lacquered wicker seat*, a dark-teal leather jacket from Macy's, and whorey, suede(ish) knee-high lace up boots with faux fur accents that look like they were lifted from J-Lo's closet (circa 1999).

This would also explain why a family friend who is deployed in the Navy and will be out at sea for Christmas, will be receiving a package in the mail containing a stuffed dog who sings and dances to "Blue Chistmas," much to the chagrin of other family members who previously attempted to talk her out of this.

My grandmother is even worse because all of her shopping problems can be summed up by #2. For her, Christmas has always been a game to see what cheapest single item she can purchase from Strawbridges or Kohl's, like matching sweaters for my sister and I with oversized buttons going up one sleeve for like, two dollars each, and as you open it she crows, "Now, you better like it, because I can't take it back!" And who can forget the Christmas where she got our boyfriends matching Fake-Old Navy "Tech Vests" from Kohl's, about 3 years after those vests went out of style? (And that they ever were actually "stylish" is debatable in itself.)

Another reason why my Mom sucks at Christmas is because she'd rather just tell you what to get for her than be surprised. Unfortunately, these gifts usually fall into the mundane or difficult to find, as she just describes something she makes up in her head and requests that you find this item that she's thinking of. For example, a favorite pair of pants she owned years before, only they don't "make them anymore" and you're expected to find a reasonable facsimile.

I said "never again" after the year where Mr. Litelysalted and I scoured all 53 department stores in the King of Prussia Mall looking for a pair of "Black, mid-length boots with a low-heel which are water resistant and lined to wear in the snow but are also nice enough to wear to work." To hell with you, Mom, you're getting jewelry from Red Envelope and you're going to like it.

Since we're still a few months from moving into our new house we're building, and we have piles of stuff stockpiled in the current two rooms of our home (therefore, no room for Christmas gifts), I was promised a minimal of gratuitous crap this year, and instead putting the budget towards an Ikea giftcard. Yet, I have a feeling I'm still going to be unwrapping enough stuff to make for a pretty entertaining photo blog, so stay tuned!

*We actually still have this chair in our basement, since returning it was more trouble than it was even worth, so check back for a photo update to fully illustrate the craptasticness of what I'm dealing with, here.

In other holiday-themed news, I'm leaving shortly to attend my office Holiday Party. You know what that means, kids: Daytime Drunkenness! Hooray!