Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Shitty Painter

I mentioned a few posts ago that, while I may be much happier in life now, my blog was more entertaining back when I had my old crappy job which provided an endless source of comedic relief; albeit at my expense.

Well my eyes and ears over there recently provided me with this tidbit of awesomeness. I wasn't going to post it at first, because I didn't want anyone to get sued, fired, etc. However with some strategically placed pink blocks I may have successfully dodged a bullet.

Click to enlarge!


I love you in the face said...


One time I got a copy sheet that said "No fucking way"

I couldn't tell what the indignant sales rep was referring to because the ad was pretty cut and dry. I always assumed said sales rep was in the middle of a call, had run out of post-its and had to confirm or deny a lunch order to a co-worker on the spot. "No fucking way (am I eating Chinese for the fourth time this week!)"

Oh and once I had to make an ad for a "cleaning service" that specialized in clearing away human remains and the tag line was "Like it never happened..."
That's right folks - feel free to massacre your friends, relatives and pets in the privacy of your own home! Our company will get any pesky brain stains out of your carpet ...like it never happened!

I hated that Penis-dar place with the fire of a thousand suns but it did provide fodder for silly stories.

Walrus Gumboot said...

Salted - Maybe the painter dude in that photo was subbing for the real painter dude that day.
They needed a photo, stat, and said get up there and paint.

It could have happened that way??

bionic bunny! said...

hey, gumbo!

litely, i wanted to check in with you on your mouse problem!
i know that's awhile back, but my life has become interesting in a very stressfull way.

still haven't caught my mousie. he's a pretty smart one! i've tried my usual method, and the little bugger sat under furniture until he got hungry enough, and he's back in my frickin' pantry!!!!

i broke down and bought a $35 box to safe trap him. crud.

litelysalted said...

ILYITF: When I tell people now of stories of the "sweatshop" branch in India putting photos of children in the escort ads they never believe me...

Wally: Heh, appreciate the effort, but I know in good faith that it didn't happen that way. That man in the picture was actually of our staff "photographer" at the time. We would put in requests for photos we needed and he would take them. Problem was, #1. He was a shitty photographer. (Sorry Lippa, if you're out there...) #2. He lived in the city and didn't have a car, so all the photos he took were either taken "around the office" or in his creepy apartment with him and his wife (who looked like Darlene from Roseanne) as the models. Serious. We had photos of "plumbers" who were actually designers pretending to "plumb" the office kitchenette or bathroom stalls. It was sad.

bb: Glad to see you again! Sorry your mouse problem didn't go away as easily as mine. We heard one chewing away in the basement a week ago, but no major incidents since the writing of the original blog. My advice is to paint a fake hole on the wall, and then chase him until he smashes into it. Then, grab him while he's stunned!

Meech! said...

Uncle Ed, you drunk bastard... there you are!!!

Anonymous said...

whys it gotta be uncle ed for beer money? why not uncle douche bag trying to get floor cleaner money or whipped cream money

Anonymous said...

so wait, why did you censor out the barcode and unimportant stuff like that and not, say, the company name or number?

litelysalted said...

Because... Clearly I'm not so much worried about legal action from some "Hunter Painters" much less the multi-million dollar company whose internal paperwork I heisted and displayed on the internet... Duh!!

sme said...

First of all, why is Uncle Ed sticking his ass out ever so slightly while trying to reach something that is clearly too high for him to paint with any kind of accuracy?
And couldn't they have at least zoomed in and cropped out the unnecessary left half of the photograph?

That photo is horrendous, but not for the reasons that have been written in. The person critique-ing (sp?)it has a vivid imagination.

Heh. Uncle Ed.

Anonymous said...

Frankly, I don't care how professional painters claim to be. If the bastards paint over your electrical outlets, they're not worth their salt. And let's face it: that's 100% of them.