Monday, April 23, 2007

Dustin Diamond is really creepy.

How's that for the most redundant headline of the century? And I'm not even referring to the sex tape, which I haven't seen. Although that much should be clear just going by the fact that I'm sitting here typing and not rocking back and forth with my knees drawn to my chest in a padded room.

Defying my better judgment, I tuned into Celebrity Fit Club last night. I swear I'm going to wind up as the blogger known for a relentless coverage of VH1's Celebreality lineup; but unfortunately since there seems to be both a demand and shortage of such, it looks like I'm going to have to be the one to bite the bullet.

Fit Club is not a show I typically watch, because seriously whooooo caaaaares. But this time around my curiosity had been whetted by reports of on-set altercations between cast member Diamond (who makes Danny Bonaduce look well adjusted) and, pretty much everyone; particularly contestant Kimberly Locke. TMZ reported back in January that Diamond had threatened to "make a dildo of my c**k and f**k" former American Idol star Locke with "it."

Based on that quote alone one might assume that we're not dealing with a champion of mental health, but I was still quite shocked by how disturbing Diamond's behavior was right off the bat. If you aren't already aware, he fancies himself a stand-up comedian, although evidenced by impromptu bits on the show last night his "comedy" seems to range anywhere from "pathetic" to "uncomfortable."

Immediately he begins harassing Locke, probably for no other reason than she seems to be the easiest target, laughing and taunting her during the initial consultation with the panel of experts. When it comes his turn to stand before the panel he continues to make ineffectual jokes which leads me to believe that he may have purposely gained weight solely for the purpose of appearing on the show in the first place. Which wouldn't be totally uncharacteristic coming from the guy who allegedly leaked his own porno.

Former child stars whoring themselves out at any given opportunity is fairly commonplace in our society, as evidenced by Barry "Greg Brady" Williams presence in American pop culture for the past 3 decades. Hell, I might do the same the same if I were in that position. There's bills to pay and it's easier than actually working for a living. But the difference with Dustin Diamond is that there's something genuinely deeply unsettling about the guy, and as much as I loves me a trainwreck I have to confess that maybe the public arena is not the best place for this particular has-been.


TK said...

Confession time: I'm the kind of guy who, when web-surfing, if I see a link that says "watch a goat get decapitated", I invariably end up clicking, then viewing, then regretting.

So. That said. I, unable to control my prurient curiosities, watched part of the DD "sex tape".

It... I... It wasn't...

I've moved past regret. I left regret in the dust three states back. It's not the kind of thing you ever really recover from. Do yourself a favor- not only should you not watch it, but you should actually stop thinking about it.

Imagine the worst thing you could ever see.

Then multiply that by 500 billion.

It's worse than that.

litelysalted said...

Wow, tk... Just, wow.

Imagine the worst thing you could ever see.

This was more or less my preconception. I am also typically a glutton for punishment, but I feared viewing it may lead to unimaginable consequences, such as my joining a convent.

Osbourne Black said...

I believe it's the "once you've tasted stardom it's hard to let go" syndrome.

sme said...

Now I really WANT to see the sex tape just to find out how awful it is.

Did you watch the Danny Bonaduce show when it was on? I caught a marathon of it two Christmases ago. I still cringe whenever I hear that Foo Fighters song his wife mistakenly thought was romantic.

Jayne said...

ew. just ew.

Anonymous said...

I hung out with Dustin this past weekend....I think he's pretty friggin cool actually. A really nice guy and very polite to everyone he met. I work in a comedy club and he was there doing stand-up...he was hilarious. Everyone was shocked by how funny and down to earth he is. You cant really believe everything you see on TV...all shows have to have a bad guy...even if it is "reality"