Friday, April 13, 2007

So he may have committed some light treason...

Who remembers John Walker Lindh? If you've forgotten, he was the post 9/11 antihero who was the ying to Jessica Lynch's yang. Or something like that. Well, at any rate, Walker is back in the news because they're moving him to the "Supermax" prison in Colorado. This confused me for a few reasons. Firstly, when I heard "Supermax" I naturally thought they were referring to some sort of feminine hygiene and/or menstruation products. But, no... Apparently the "Supermax" is the federal government's most secure prison, where they house supervillains like the unibomber and Magneto.

Is it just me or does this seem a bit extreme for a guy who looks like the wimpy little brother of Chris Robinson? You could probably "lock" him in some revolving doors with a wedge doorstop underneath and he'd be pretty safely detained for the next 15 years. It's not like the guy was a criminal mastermind; rather a stupid impressionable kid who made some poor choices. Sure, some of us dabble in pot and some of us join the Taliban. What's the diff? Cut the kid some slack, is all I'm saying.

17 comments:

Kimberly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jefff said...

I giggled out loud (gol'ed I guess) at the mention of The Unabomber and Magneto

sme said...

Would you prefer that this guy be put in a jail with a bunch of impressionable knuckleheads and start preaching his beliefs, perhaps creating a group of Taliban-loving mofos in the U.S. jails?
That's the best reason I can come up with for his placement in Supermax. (btw, i can't see or hear this word now without smirking and thinking about maxipads.)

p.s. I really like your photoshopped image in the Jared Palecki blog. I'm not familiar with Thomas Kinkade's artwork, but from the sample you provided it looks like something you would see hanging in a small town diner for $10.

litelysalted said...

I dunno, sme... Or perhaps it was because his asshole is now the diameter of a tree trunk. I can't imagine your typical redneck inmate thinks much of skinny whiteboy terrorist wannabes.

Thomas Kincade is a sensation in mediocrity. He has his own chain of retail stores that sell his crap! I've never seen one myself; I would guess most are located in the south and/or bible belt.

Manny said...

Lousy hippies. I'm glad they're moving him to Supermax. There he'll be safely locked away with other threats to National Security such as:

The Launderer- for years he's been stealing the mate to all my dress socks. Apprehended when I had lojack installed in my red polka dot socks knitted with individual toes. God I loved those.

Locksmith - Constantly misplaces my car keys in an attempt to make me late for every dinner, social event, and late night rendesvous with Salma Hayek.

and last, but most certainly the most dastardly....

The Wedginator - somehow manages to cause my boxers to ride up at the most inconvient moments, forcing me to come up with new ways to grab my ass and pull them out withouth looking like a total fucking idiot.

Osbourne Black said...

Jessica Lynch, wasn't she that POW in Iraq?
Damn,, I am so out of it. I have to stop sleeping so much and start reading the newspaper.

Nancy said...

I'm pretty sure he's going to "Supermax" because he committed treason which, you know, your typical redneck (who you sure seem to dislike) doesn't commit...

The "spy" that the movie Breach was made about is also in Colorado.

litelysalted said...

Hey nancy, are you trying to be smarmy? Since I clearly say in the title of this post that he committed treason, you'd think it would be pointless to reiterate that for me.

Sorry about the two redneck jokes in a row like that. I usually try to space out my jokes about the obese/handicapped/socially & hygienically challenged (rednecks) so my material doesn't get tired. For that I apologize.

Kimberly said...

I like redneck jokes.

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