Monday, April 02, 2007

Top 10 Things I learned from watching the American Gladiators Marathon on ESPN Classic this weekend.

10. Lace was probably not picked as a Gladiator primarily for her athletic ability.

9. The American Gladiators theme song was composed by none other than Lucifer himself.

8. When Malibu gets injured in Human Cannonball; medical science be damned! All he needs to get better is "the sun and the surf, with a brew in one hand and a babe in the other."

7. Malibu later went on to play "Thor" in that episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm of the same name, where Larry David gets into a fight with a professional wrestler.

6. If you are the token "T&A" female competitor, you'll probably end up winning the Powerball event because the Gladiators always seem to go after the athletic chicks.

5. On American Gladiators it was totally herero and masculine for a man to wear a tightly fitting midriff exposing tank top.

4. Secretly, a small part of me wishes I could compete in American Gladiators. (And I would kick ass at it, too!)

3. In the Eliminator event, the Gladiator always waits behind the door on the far right. So if you can't figure out that much you shouldn't even go on American Gladiators to begin with.

2. American Gladiators as a concept would never work today because we as a society are just less bodacious than we used to be. (When did it all go wrong?)

1. No matter who you are, (I'm looking at you, 5'10, 125lb leggy frosted blonde...) Shiny Spandex makes everyone look fat.

8 comments:

Beth said...

i loved that show! my favorite was when one of the gladiators would nail the jousting stick into one of the piddly competitors' faces, leaving him or her befuddled...

Natalia said...

What would your AG name be?
I'm trying to think of one myself. All I'm coming up with is a list of precious stones.

Ooooh. Amethyst.

litelysalted said...

Fabulous question! I decided to take a different route and go with bird names, and I think maybe Sparrow or Lark would be good for me.

Joey O. said...

"GLADIATOR READY?!"

Manny said...

My AG name would be Rod Steele. And I'd have a female partner whose name would be Cavernous Vaj.

What?

Natalia said...

Ahahahaha.

Oh man. I read that as Carnivorous Vaj.

Anonymous said...

As a young lad I was always digging http://www.rayehollitt.com/gladiate/PGladiate.html

or Zap as y'all may know her.

matty

slyght said...

you're in luck, they are reviving the american gladiator franchise in jan '08. hulk hogan and laila ali are hosting. get on it, go try out.