Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Thanks for Watermarking My Face, Asshole!

So here's an interesting thing. Apparently now at sporting events they have photographers come around and take your picture, which you can later view on their website and have printed on a variety of tacky crap for an exorbitant fee. As you see, the images are carefully watermarked, (so don't even think of stealing it for your myspace page-- thief!) and embedded so you can't even yank them off the page. As if I don't know how to use a simple screen grab.

Mr. Salted organizes these group baseball events once a year for his work buddies, and makes sure to always plan them on "dollar dog night." The hot dogs themselves are wrapped in foil, kind of burnt and squished, and on occasion shot out of a cannon by that lovable big green nutsack, the Phillie Phanatic. But they're a dollar, people! And that? Is all you need to know.

Q: How many hot dogs can 110lb girl eat in one sitting?
A: That, my friends, is my dirty little secret.

Last night was a bit different than previous years events, because it just so happened that "dollar dog night" fell upon "college night." And you know that can mean only one thing: hot dogs on the field! I learned something else; if you think the average sports fan acts like an asshole at sporting events? (Or is that just a Philly thing?) Try attending one filled with college kid sports fans.

To give you some insight, last night there were a record breaking 11,000 walk-up tickets sold. A particularly meatheaded attendee actually berated the "lemon ice" guy (in a tone of voice which normally precedes fisticuffs) after he told him that there was no "walk up" beer service on account that it was college night; blissfully unaware that he himself had just completely justified the "no walk up beer service on college night" rule.

We made what was probably a sound decision to cut out an inning early. Although we missed the thrilling end of the game, we also missed the drunken post-game rioting which undoubtedly took place. I imagine it looked something like a giant arena-sized Slip 'N Slide made of beer and hog dog mush. Baseball rules.


beth said...

He looks kinda like Jonah in that picture...

Linz said...

You were supposed to invite me when you went this year :<

litelysalted said...

beth... Ha! I can kinda see that.

linz... Ahhhh crap. I'm sorry. With everything going on this year I forgot about the game itself until like 2 days before!

TK said...

Ah, how I miss living in Philly. Two things about Phillies games:
1. Dollar hot-dog night rules. I went one year and ate nine. I felt like a gorilla was trying to punch it's way out of my stomach.
2. If they still do it, I highly recommend the 4th of July game, where they let fans sit on the field for a fireworks display.

Finally, as a general rule, I'd hazard that anything with "college night" tacked onto it will probably be a nightmare.

And yes, Philly fans are the worst I've seen. Not counting the time I went to a Sox-Yanks game at Yankee Stadium in my Pedro Martinez t-shirt. I almost got my ass handed to me that night.

litelysalted said...

NINE dogs?! Heheheh tk what a trooper you are! Mr. S has been wanting to go to a 4th of July game for awhile, but we live 1.5 hours from the city so I can only imagine the nightmarish drive that would be on a holiday.

Furthermore, we did NOT know it was college night 'til we showed up.

I am actually surprised that you had trouble at Yankee Stadium. During the '04 playoffs, I read the Sports Guy's column (who as you know, is notoriously a Sox fan) and he did a little experiment by going to a playoff game at Fenway with a Yankees jersey on and vice versa at Yankee Stadium. He said the NY guys hardly paid him any mind but feared for his life at Fenway. Heh!

TK said...

Well... I might have fanned the flames just a teensy, tiny, wee little bit, since the Sox won the game and I have a notoriously big mouth...

Wakefield had pitched, and I might have (MIGHT have) made a comment or two about how my sister throws harder than him, yet the Yankees couldn't hit anything he threw. I also may have (MAY have) said something about how Yankees fans sleep with their mothers. Hypothetically, this might have happened. But to be fair, I didn't start it. Honest.


aejr said...

at the last fenway game i went to, two guys tried to start an Eagles chant. They were cornered by about five locals. "Ummm.. Yankees suck?" one of them said, trying to make up for it.

Osbourne Black said...

Yeeeah but it's the Phillies!! The Phillies haven't been good since 1993 when they went 97-65. They had the likes of Johnny Kruk and that scrappy ballplayer Lenny Dykstra!

If I were you Salted, I would kind of keep it hush, hush about being a Phillies fan. It's just not kosher. :)

bionic bunny! said...

check your email, o salted one!