Friday, July 13, 2007

Spook Lane's Number One Threat*

I live out in the wilderness, and it's not unusual to see and hear a vast array of forest creatures about the property. For example -- earlier this week around dusk, I saw a deer standing about 10 feet outside our bedroom window; last week there was a flock of wild turkeys in the backyard (which, unfortunately for them I didn't see until after I threw the frisbee for the dog in their immediate direction); and the week before that we were awoken by a squirrel who had wandered in and made his presence known at 3:30AM.

Last night, Mr. Salty and I had the following conversation:

Him: Oh, just so you know, there's a black bear around here.

Me: What do you mean by here? Here in Berks County?

Him: No, here here. Tom [co-worker of Mr. S who lives a mile away] took a picture of it outside his house.

Me: And, you didn't think of telling me this before I went for my two mile walk earlier this evening?

Him: ::Silent realization -- followed by a sheepish grin::

Me: ::PissFace McGee::

Him: Well you had the dogs with you! Bears are afraid of dogs!

Me: It's a BEAR. And I went out at DUSK! That's when the bears come out!

Him: Plus they're only aggressive if they have cubs with them.

I think it's the dream of every little girl, to grow up and meet a Prince Charming who is totally indifferent to whether or not she gets eaten by a bear.

* Yes I really do live on Spook Lane. Please don't stalk me, though.


Vermillion said...


I don't think he is indifferent. Just very confident in your abilities as a smart, sophisticated woman to handle whatever comes your way. You don't need a man to save you! You are woman, hear you roar!

(There ya go, Mr. Salted. Did my best to smooth things over. Oh wait, I shouldn't put this here.)

::PissFace McGee::

I must know what that is. It sounds quite powerful. Even more so with THE MOUSTACHE.

TK said...


You call this blogging? Woman, I'll show you blogging.

Yikes. We've got the deer, the turkeys, skunks, raccoons, snakes, etc.

Not the bears, though. Fuck THAT noise.

onthevirg said...

Remember, you're just supposed to play dead. And if that doesn't work, you'll be that way soon enough anyway. I'd begin running those 2 miles. You might need the practice. Or the climbing skills of a monkey.

And unless you're husband is Jeff Corwin, I don't know that I'd be taking his "expertise" on bear habits to heart.

Natalia said...

I can't fathom living in area where there is even the possibility of a bear roaming around.

We have...pigeons?

Also, I hate when you and TK fight. It gives me anxiety.

kel m said...

This reminds me of the time when I standing in my parents kitchen only to see a black bear in the yard about 2 meters away from my unsuspecting pops. I told him that he may want to get out of there due to the bear, only instead my crazy ass parents decided it would be better to follow (chase?) the bear. So they did and it ran away.

But that was just a little bear. So maybe you should see how big your bear is and then you can decide whether you want to follow it or not. :)