Tuesday, August 07, 2007

I'm Big in New Zealand

And when I say "big" what I really mean is that they're burning me in effigy right now. Here's the sitch -- one of the gossip items I posted on Yeeeah! last week got picked up by a big New Zealand legitimate news organization. Well apparently, New Zealanders are fans of both Mena Suvari and shaved heads. Smarmy American gossip bloggers? Ehhhhhnotsomuch.

If you don't feel like scrolling through them all, here are a few of my favorites:

"Get out from behind your anonymous blog you fat ugly bastard! Typical American male chauvinist drivel."

"Why don’t you shave your hair off and when you’ve done that have a lawn mover run over your face."

"Who cares who is the more talented actor/singer with shaved head, they have more talent in a gram of their shit than the waste of space jealous slag who wote this shit. Get a haircut and find a real job douche."

"You f’n americans - when are you gonna grow up. Short hair on a girl is very cool, very sexy!"

"litelysalted SUCKS SHIT !"

No death threats, but fortunately they didn't have access to my personal email. So mayhap my publisher is getting those little nuggets. However, I would just like to say in my defense -- I have short hair! I've had "lesbian" yelled at me before by college kids passing by in an automobile. I don't care! I even think it's kind of funny, because I can laugh at myself.

I make fun of Mena Suvari because A.) it's my job and B.) I don't care much for Mena Suvari. I read once that she's a right-wing nutjob. And whether that's true or not the girl just bugs. Is that a crime? Jesus. They probably don't even know what a "flowbee" is in New Zealand, because if they did they'd know that's comedy gold.

Guess I can scratch New Zealand off of the list of places to see before I die.


MEECH! said...

litelysalted SUCKS SHIT!!

Please make that your new tagline!!!!!!!! You fat ugly bastard.

God, the rich, rich rewards of anonymous hatred...!!! Orgasmic!!!

<3 <3 <3 <3

aejr said...

I think they are compliments in disguise... you obviously know what you are doing with the written word, or else nobody would've said anything!

TK said...

Holy shit! You're officially infamous!

I should admit - I wrote all of those comments.

Actually, I just wish I had.

April said...

Some people have too much time on their hands. Mena Suvari, along with other celebrities, wouldn't piss on them if they were on fire.

Jayne said...

it's AMAZING what people will assume.

I can confirm that Ms. Salted is in fact female, thin, hetero, cute, and with short hair... like me!

so BACK OFF New Zealanders! (although I'm glad that they said that short hair on a girl is sexy.)

oh- and congrats on the controversy! nothin' like it to drum up some business!

sme said...

HA. I think she looks really hot bald, actually. I'm also really excited that they are making a movie from Garden of Eden - it's my fav Hemingway book.
It's funny that people get so weird when it comes to defending a celebrity though. I mean, I don't have any issues with Mena and I think her hair looks good, but I'm not going to get all uppity about defending her from her jokes. Your jokes were funny.
People are weird. Go litely.

onthevirg said...

The funniest part? This:

"Typical American male chauvinist drivel."

If you're going to rip someone based on their gender, shouldn't you, I dunno, verify that first. Nice work retard. Besides, who gets so worked up about negative comments re: celebutards? Terrorists, that's who.

Vermillion said...

The hilarious thing is, they assume you are a guy, but if they had seen this blog, their anger would have been soothed by all the pink. I really believe if they knew you were a woman, they would not have been nearly as angry.

You can probably blame PH for this. I bet everyone thinks all celeb bloggers are fat, lonely gay men whose mothers must have downed a bottle of bleach during the pregnancy.

MEECH! said...

They're at least all gay, right?

Alex the Odd said...

Badly spelt, unresearched insults brought about by blind loyalty to someone that the authour has never met are the very cornerstone of the internet. You should be proud litely you've given some poor sod a reason to exist.

All gossip bloggers are indeed gay and male, I read it on the internet one time. I refuse to believe otherwise

litelysalted said...

Ahhhh sorry for my lack of response to all of these comments, but let me just say that I love you all. Except TK, for wishing that he came up with "litelysalted SUCKS SHIT" first.

Aw, heck. Who am I kidding? I even love TK. And I kinda do suck shit. But in a totally awesome way.

Anonymous said...

Now I know I am a couple of days late on this one and yeh I just blame my lack of internet at the moment...But I read this blog on a semi-regular basis and am actually living in New Zealand and cannot say that I had any idea that any of this was happening...Seriously New Zealand thinks it is a lot bigger then it is sometimes...Think it needs to be sent back to the sand box..