Thursday, August 09, 2007

Mission: Mand Band? Can't Hardly Wait!

Can... Barely... Type! Too... Excited!

Despite constant promos during my beloved Rock of Love and it's snerk-inducing name -- I have largely been ignoring the new VH1 program, "Mission: Man Band." This is due to the fact that I thought it was just another one of those 'White Rapper' type shows, which I was completely indifferent to and not entertained by, the one or two times I caught it.

How wrong I was. How gloriously, wonderfully wrong I was.

It has come to my attention that "Mission: Mand Band" is actually a collective of former boy-banders, brought together to attempt to recreate their former glory in a new ensemble called "Sureshot." (Oh, the irony kills!) Oh god, if only they could have gotten that douche from NKOTB that starred on a season of "The Surreal Life" -- but we'll have to settle for the N'SYNC'er that looks like a dreadlocked muppet, two guys from LFO and 98 Degrees, and last but most certainly not least -- the motherfucking guy from Color Me Badd!! COLOR ME BADD, people! As if that in itself wasn't brilliant enough, the guy from Color Me Badd looks like he ATE the guy from Color Me Badd! And he's a drunk!

Just incredible. In an instant, I have gone from not giving the slightest shit about this show to having my entire existence bane on it. This clip will tell you everything you need to know.

Note: I tried to embed this but unfortunately ifilm is rather unforgiving towards blogger, so you will have to click here to view it!

Note #2: Do you guys totally love how they're pulling a Wilson-Phillips in this promo shot by making the fat guy stand in the back? Pure. Gold.


TK said...

The wife and I were watching that AWFUL karaoke show on NBC the other night, which is hosted by some dipshit from n*sync (I think). And he's cheerful and exuberant and dancing around, and I ask her:

Do you think at the end of each show he goes back to his apartment, gets in the shower, starts to cry, and then drinks himself into oblivion?

Or is he not self-aware enough for that?

Anyway, the show sucked. And this one looks terrifying, but then I lack the zeal for reality TV that you have. But I suppose it's part of your charm. Or something.

sme said...

Oh man! The George Michael look-alike from Color Me Badd almost started crying! That's some stellar TV.

Do you think they'll do a cover of I Adore Mi Amore? That would be gold. Pure gold.

litelysalted said...

Oh, tk -- even I won't watch those awful fucking karaoke shows on network television. I'm a reality show fan of discriminating taste, so it's basic cable only for me.

And sme -- that's not the George Michael look alike. That's the other one; the one with the sexy mane of hair. But they did look somewhat similar so I can understand your confusion.


I love you in the face said...

"Come inside, take off your coat, I'll make you feel at home, Now let's pour a glass of wine 'cause now we're all alone! "

I'm not sure what frightens me most - that I once owned a tape that featuring this song, that I remember all the words, or that one of the original members didn't even have the decency to fade quietly into obscurity and leave me with vague, immature impressions of something-sorta-kinda-but-not-really sexy. Instead there's gonna be a reality show reckoning that will leave "not the George Michael look alike" even more of an alcoholic mess, I'm sure. That said, I'm totally stoked for watch it. Think they'll coordinate their outfits? *crosses fingers*

I love you in the face said...

Also, forgive my spelling & grammar mistakes. I'm just that excited!!

r.a.h. said...

I thought only women's jeans had 'whiskers'. I thought only dickwads from the early 90s had manicured facial hair.

I'm so wrong sometimes.

deadbeatJONES said...

Ah...Color Me Badd: the Kenny G guy, the George Michael guy, the Terence Trent D'Arby guy and the "other one."

He looked kinda like Snow. Remember him? Or the ungodly spawn of Vanilla Ice if he had been ass-raped in Chino state prison.

I watched the first episode of this mess. Completely shocked that the most whiny one of them all was the 98 Degrees guy. Seriously? You'd think he'd be happy to try to get out of that "dude who married Jessica Simpson and his brother" shadow.

And where's the love for O-Town?

litelysalted said...

Hee hee Constance, it sounds like somebody liked Color Me Badd even more than we did!

And I LOVED Snow. "In-FARM-A da blibbidy blibbidy daaawn, a lickey boom boom man!"

sme said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
sme said...

I'm confused - is this guy the Vanilla Ice/Snow guy or the George Michael guy? He's not the Kenny G guy.

I loved Snow, too. . . . . and Color Me Badd was the first cd I ever owned.

I am made of awesome.

deadbeatJONES said...

This is the Vanilla Ice/Snow guy...though much more bloated and self-loathing.

r.a.h. said...

You know say daddy me snow me-a gonna blame
A licky boom-boom down!

TK said...

Do yourself a favor and google the lyrics for Informer. It is both puzzling and hilarious.

My personal favorite part:

Police-a them-a they come and-a they blow down me door
One him come crawl through through my window
So they put me in the back the car at the station
From that point on I reach my destination
Well the destination reached in down-a East detention
Where they whip down me pants look up me bottom

Also, Snow actually stands for Super Notorious Outrageous Whiteboy.

Hand to God.

litelysalted said...

Super Notorious Outrageous Whiteboy!! AAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

You know what this means, right? I need an acronym for Salty now. Minions -- get on that for me.

Vermillion said...

Should Avoid Loathsome Travesties from Youtube.

Vermillion said...


Seriously Addicted to Loser TV, Yes.

Simply Adorable, Likes To Yak.

Ranylt said...

Man alive, do we have a winner:

Simply Adorable, Likes To Yak.

Surely that is Ms. Saline in a nutshell. Vermillion needs to win a prize package of Maine Coast kettle-cooked salty old-fashioned potato chips, stat.

litelysalted said...

Adorable??? Me? Really?

Vermillion, you definitely win something, if not for being the only participant -- but also for coming up with multiple worthy entries.

But I still refuse to lay off the Chocolate Rain.

Bianca Reagan said...

My favorite, refreshingly self-aware, line of the episode came from Chris (formerly of *NSYNC):

"I know where I sing: Backup."