Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Old Navy Clothing: Pure Crap

Longtime readers of my old blog may remember that I take issue with zealous use of air conditioning. Because of this, most summer days, I find a reason to get out of my frigid office for lunch, and escape to the jacuzzi-like warmth of my car which has been baking in the sun.

Now that Mister Litelysalted and I have plunged head first into building our new home, I can sadly no longer afford my weekly deliveries from J Crew. Since it's been over a month since the UPS man has visited and I'm starting to get an antsy, today I head over to the local Old Navy to see what the poor people are wearing these days.

I used to like shopping at Old Navy, mostly when I was younger. Even in recent times they're always good for a 5 dollar sweater on clearance that I'll most likely wear once yet still feel validated about my purchase. But it seems like over the past few years, the clothes get more unappealing and junky each time I go. Today the merchandise was downright hideous. It's like they take the most unfashionable clothes from the 60's and the 80's and mishmash them together into one big horrendous orgy of fashion. Maybe I'm just old and out of touch. After all, at 29 I am practically a senior citizen by now. But still, it won't stop me from making fun of this slop.

Since I am a mite older than Old Navy's usual clientele, these kids buying this stuff probably don't remember the late eighties to early nineties. However I lived it and let me be the first to say that I will never wear a vest like this again as long as I live. Not if you hold me at knifepoint, and threaten to kill my whole family. Never again.

Hoo hoo hoo! Look at this lovely little frock! Why don't they just stamp Hypercolor on the damn thing and get it over with?

Look at this! If your eyeballs haven't melted yet and you're still able to read this, then let me just say that no respectable hippie would wear this skirt. And yes, I did just say respectable hippie. (Sorry, hippies.)

Sorry to show yet another vest. But you know, they're vests. Oh yeah, this girl called, and she wants her vest back.

Okay I could really go on, (really) but I have eating and sleeping to do eventually, so let's pick something ugly from the men's section and call it a day. Oh, here we go. I'll let the website description say it all: Embrace your inner rock star in a single-button velvet blazer with style to spare. Eyeliner and meth habit you'll need to convince yourself you look good in this outfit sold separately.


Anonymous said...

Why is it all the jeans from Old Navy split at the crotch?

Matty loves litelysalted

Linz said...

Holy wow. Please don't let vests come back in style.

April said...

OMG! I remember Hypercolor. I had two of them, what a blast from the past. Stacey, you are awesome and I agree with you about Old Navy. Also, what's with kids wearing their collars up like it was 1985? That trend was stupid back then and is still ridiculous.

loveyouintheface said...

So, when I bought that tank top with you at Old Navy you were totally thinking, "I'm actually friends with this fashion victim?!"

Yeah, that's right, I've shopped at Old Navy before and I've liked it.

But I also get what you mean about O.N. catering to the awkwardly dressed, pimple-popping, identity crisis having teenybopper.

Also, the shameful promotion of ginormous buttons at that store is depressing.

spankcheeks said...

So you're saying "double-tiered ruffled denim skirts" are passe? What about my denim vest with the multiple zippers? No good? Fuck. That's the last time I pour over "Seventeen Magazine's fashion guide for fall."

litelysalted said...

Haha you guys should see this tank top I convinced her to buy. I pretty much picked out the ugliest thing in the Old Navy to see if I could get her to buy it. LS:1, LYITF:0

Just kidding, hee!

Spanks: I think you're catching on. And if I catch you wearing any mesh whatsoever, I will be forced to personally bitch slap you with an old salami.