Friday, November 03, 2006

Confessions of a diet pill addict.

First of all I would like to apologize for my lack of updates lately. So, sorry to all of you who have been refreshing this site every day for the past week only to get hit with a glamour shot of J-Pad's mug, again. Even I'm starting to tire of it as I check for fresh comments, and I enjoy J-Pad's lovely face more than most.

Moving on. Here's what going on with me. I have my 10 year high school reunion coming up in a few weeks, and yes I'm actually going. I'm not sure why I'm going, because I didn't really have any friends in high school, and harbored a resentment towards 90% of my graduating class.

I guess I'm going mostly because EJ is going, and the two of us can have fun pretty much anywhere. EJ was more of an acquaintance back then, but has become a good friend later in life after we attended college together. Besides, let's face it. I turned out pretty reasonably decent considering my patchy start and who wouldn't want to show off a little? Let's just say it's a little fantasy of mine to get hit on by a guy who was mean to me in high school, only to administer a verbal kick in the nuts in response.

Naturally, I had to purchase a new dress for this occasion. Because what's the point of even going if I'm not going to look faaaaabulous? Not too long after I received the invite J. Crew had a massive online fall sale and I picked up this hot little pink number. Since the last time I bought a dress from J. Crew it was a size 4 and a smidge too big, I went with the "4-Petite" in lieu of a smaller size.

Unfortunately... the dress doesn't exactly fit glove-like as I had anticipated. Depending on my daily IBS symptoms, what and how much I've eaten in the past 48 hours, and lunar cycle it ranges from "fitting acceptably if you don't mind not breathing" to "that zipper is going to fucking break." And when is this blessed occasion, you may ask? Why the day after Thanksgiving, of course!

Now it would be all well and good to blame the dress, and blame J. Crew for making such wacky sizes... But let's face the music here people. Litelysalted has put on a few pounds. All this stress I've been under lately with the house, work, and random family drama has made nightly bingeing a thing of the norm. For the past month I keep saying that I'm going to stop eating candy every night so I don't have a "back buttcrack" the night of the reunion but with three weeks and counting the scale still said 111-112. (This might not sound bad to most of you... But keep in mind I'm very petite.)

However! Just this week, something has changed all that. Meet my new savior: hoodia! As I was ordering my "vegan sampler" at the health food store on Wednesday I noticed the display next to the register. I said to the ladies behind the counter: "I need to lose 5 pounds in 3 weeks. Is this the stuff?" And they confirmed hoodia's appetite suppressing abilities. After an unfortunate Diet Fuel addiction I swore that I would never do diet pills again, but drastic times call for drastic measures.

So that's it folks. After the first day of taking them I arrived home after work to find that Mr. Litelysalted (aka my enabler) had bought me a little gift in the form of a bag of gummy worms. I still haven't opened them! Two days later and I am already back to 110. My appetite is gone and has left only a faint headache in it's place.

6 comments:

loveyouintheface said...

Does that shite really work? I may just jump on the ol' heart attack wagon and try it out so I can fit into my sexy jeans. Alright! I don't have any sexy jeans but I want to and I want to actually look skinny-ish in them.


I love that dress by the way. It's soooo you!

litelysalted said...

Either or works or it's rocking an AMAZING placebo effect.

The blog link is to the brand that I actually bought. The place I got it from is a pretty reputable health food store and the ladies that work there know me. There's a lot of Total Crap out there but I probably wouldn't trust any old hoodia product from GNC or CVS.

ej said...

diet pill is a cool L7 song. ahah. whatever works! i went shopping today at H&M for something... in my head going, "I need something for the reunion..." and it was probably the most conformist statement to ever tick thru my head! but it was fun, nonetheless! i have a feeling, stace, that we are going to be sitting in the corner throwing back glass after glass, but at least we'll be together.

Joey said...

I still haven't decided if I'm going or not...I have til the end of the week apparently. I don't know anyone else who is, aside from you two dames.

couscouscaboose said...

Isn't the vegan sampler great?! I love the dress, too.

Meechity said...

The only thing I hate worse than the color pink is being burned alive. But that dress is gorgeous!!