Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Whore Dances; America Generally Approves.

Gather round kiddies, cause I'm about to let loose a mighty rant and you've got a front row seat!

This evening I was at the gym doing my 5 miles; the row of televisions above the treadmills all tuned to some form of local or cable news. (The smaller monitor affixed to my treadmill, naturally, was tuned to E!'s 101 Crimes of Fashion.) The news shows, on the other hand, were invariably fixed on a crime of humanity: last night's premiere of Dancing With The Stars. You know, how many million people watched, the endless stupid imbecile jokes about Heather Mills' prosthetic leg, etc.

Clearly, I'm not above taking a low blow at a person with a physical abnormality or disability. I will even go so far as to relate the following personal anecdote. My freshman year of college, I was assigned a blind roommate from West Virginia named Anita. Now, at first I felt really bad for Anita, and personally vowed to do everything in my power to help her and make her comfortable. That was, until after about two weeks of living with her I realized was a nasty, unpleasant, lazy person she was; getting a free ride because of her disability while letting student aides do all her work and spending the grant money on junk food. At that point I decided to do everything in my power to make fun of her behind her back. I ended up nicknaming her "Anita Shower" for her reprehensible lack of hygiene.

Getting back to my point: The only time I want to hear about Heather Mill's leg falling off is because she lost it running from an angry mob, who then went on to beat her senseless with it. Because that would be funny... Oh how I would laaaugh and laaaugh and laaaugh.

She put herself out there, knowing she's been vilified in the media, knowing she's going to be ridiculed. A horrible repugnant woman, she has already proven she's not above committing vile acts to get paid. And no, I'm not even talking about that whole "marrying an aging icon seemingly for the purpose of dragging his name through the mud and taking his money" thing.* I'm talking about this sort of thing. (Extremely NSFW!)

So does this make it okay to support her public endeavors, albeit to make fun of her? In my opinion it absolutely does not! Laugh all you want, she's the one ultimately capitalizing from it. In fact, if you are one of the however many millions of people who watched Dancing With The Stars last night, you may as well have personally kicked Paul McCartney in his sack. Well now, America... You just kicked a Beatle in the nuts. What do you have to say for yourself?

*Okay, I know it's all his word against hers, and I usually don't take sides in any kind of he-said, she-said. But you know what? Beloved music pioneer whose anthems of peace and love shaped the 1960's and inspired countless future generations to come? v. COMMON WHORE. It's not advanced trig, people. Case closed.

7 comments:

Linz said...

I thought Ian Ziering did really well and basically the judges didn't give a crap cause he was just Steve Saunders on 90210! No respect!

litely soggy said...

I can only really hear out of one ear. That's why I can pretend to ignore everything I don't want to listen too and why I listen to music really loud.

Talk to the left side. The left side, ya.....

sme said...

I like the new organization of your blogs! I do love organization.

I don't have much to say about Dancing with the Stars because I don't get any reception on my TV. I did look at the sex photos of Heather though - did you notice how red her boobs look in the one photo? I'd be curious to see the photos that led up to those cherry red knockers, but that's just me I guess. ;)

litelysalted said...

sme- Thanks! Organization is very important, and don't let ANYONE ever tell you otherwise!

Natalia said...

Meh, Heather Mills...

"Anita Shower", though, is mad me laugh so hard I almost peed a little.

What? I'm easily amused and drink a lot of water.

Natalia said...

Apparently I was laughing so hard my fingers couldn't function.

made me laugh*

litelysalted said...

Oh man... Natalia, I could write a book. It would be called, Litelysalted's Decent Into Hell.