Friday, March 23, 2007

I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed.

I'm not very happy with My Favorite Show On Television Right Now this morning. But before I delve into the precise reason for my disappointment, first a little background. Since none of you jerks watch!

Despite having two of the most hunkalicious male leads on television, the creators of Supernatural are rather modest with the showing of skin. As a result, about 98% of the time Sam and Dean are covered with no less than four layers of clothing. And that's fine. Because unlike men, us women don't need to see our sex symbols walking around half nekkid all the time. But when they do throw us a bone and give us shirtless scene... Whoo! It is worth it!! The fan message boards pretty much light up like a pinball table.

Same thing with the sex scenes. It seems like the going pattern is one per season. And that would be fine too. Since the boys are roaming the country, if they were nailing girls left and right they would be nothing but common manskanks. Except that the sex scenes that we do get on this show are, well... kind of terrible.

The first season gave us the womanizing Dean having boring ex-girlfriend sex. That was just a retarded episode overall; one of the few I haven't bothered to revisit on DVD. I mean, the Monster Of The Week was a racist ghost truck. (I'm not making this up!) As if they thought they could just throw in Dean Sex and make us forget how lame and idiotic the racist ghost truck was.

A year later fans seemed willing to forgive and forget, as the internets have been all a buzz for the past few months that A. Sam was going to have sex with a B. werewolf who he would then have to C. kill. Sounds awesome, right? I mean how could they possibly fuck that up?!

Well first of all, he didn't even end up having sex with her until after he knew she was a werewolf and thought that they had cured her of her werewolfedness. (Or lycanthropy, whatever.) So right there, when we were all expecting naughty werewolf sex, instead we got "Oh, my hero!" sex. Which as you can imagine, is somewhat less thrilling.

And then, the sex itself was so horrifically unsexy, I can compare it only to Mitchell Sex.* Finally, when they realized that Werewolf Lady was not, in fact, cured... Sam tearfully shoots her after she tearfully begs him to, as if she's fucking Old Yeller. I mean, COME ON!!!!!! Oz managed to live a somewhat productive and fulfilling life, didn't he? Haven't they ever even seen Buffy?

I should also mention that the werewolves themselves were spectacularly crappy. They didn't even resemble wolves or have fur or anything. They just looked like their normal people selves with long teeth and nails and crack eyes. Boooring!

That's IT, Supernatural. Coupled with last week's Shyamalanesque debacle, to quote Colbert: You're on notice!

*The Mitchell Sex actually starts about a minute into that clip if you want to jump ahead. If you haven't seen Mitchell Sex before, you probably won't want to miss it. If you HAVE seen Mitchell Sex before, you're probably already watching it because Mitchell Sex is awesome.


aejr said...

i will comment, because i know how it feels. no one ever comments on my keane blogs. or my magical honey blogs! anyway... reading this makes me so curious about your idiot scale. like where you rate what you watch on the idiot scale. because werewolf sex is cool, but shooting the werewolf like old yeller is idiotic. which means that a show with werewolves rates as something so normal, it's not even on the scale. i don't know, it cracks me up! but it's really telling as to what buffy paved the way for... werewolf sex on TV! halleluia.

litelysalted said...

Yeah, it's just like, "Oh... Werewolf sex again. What was I just saying about that the other day? Oh, I forget. Honey, be a dear and pass me my soda?"

MEECH! said...

I'm laughing so hard I can't even tell what emotion it is anymore. Huuaaaaahhh Aaauuuaaaaa! Wuuaaa! I'm doing it now!

Joey O. said...

Werewolf sex like Willow & Oz AND werewolf non-sex like that girl who was in a jail during "Smile Time" & Angel!

Joss is a PIONEER!

TK said...

I'm hesitant to admit this, because it shows what a gigantic geek I am... but then, you're a pajiba-er, and must be somewhat geeky yourself. But believe it or not, I can think of two movies that actually have full-blown werewolf sex. Dracula (the Gary Oldman one) and Meridian (yeah, with Sherilyn Fenn). In case you were interested. Ahem. Oh, and I think The Howling did too.

I'm sorry. Please pretend I'm not even here.

litelysalted said...

tk- This website is also a geek sanctuary, so let it out, brother! Go ahead and take off your shoes... We don't care if your feet stink! Yeah! Werewolf sex!

I like your blog, too, btw...