Thursday, April 05, 2007

Litelysalted hearts Sanjaya!

I'm about to do something I never thought I'd do in my lifetime: Get behind an American Idol contestant.

Let me get something straight, I hate American Idol with the white hot firey passion of a thousand suns. (Sorry, C!) I watched the show exactly one time for about 15 minutes during the first season when I stayed home sick one night while working second shift. Because prime time TV was a novelty to me at that point, I guess I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Which basically I still didn't get after those 15 minutes. If I wanted to see a bunch of stupid assholes crappily singing songs I don't like, I'd go to a college karaoke bar.

So, fine. I gave it a shot, it wasn't for me, the end. Except...

With each passing season of stupid American Idol, it culminates into a media frenzy shoved into every orifice of my being for the duration of the several months it airs. I can't take a dump without hearing some kind of American Idol blathering. And it's more than just the insane media coverage. A typical conversation with my mother during "Idol Season" goes as follows:

Mom: "Have you been watching American Idol this season?"

Me: "No. I still don't watch it.

At which point my mother invariably interprets that answer as, "No!! I missed it!! Please tell me everything that's happened and don't forget to include your favorites and predictions!"

So yeah, I've grown to resent American Idol. Just a little. Apparently, I am not the only one. Bring in Sanjaya.

At first, when I heard of Sanjaya, I thought to myself, "Ha ha! He sucks!" But didn't really care too much, assuming that ultimately it would just fuel ratings for American Idol. Which of course would lead to more American Idol that I would be accosted with. Although I did think it was funny that assface Gwen Stefani got her panties in a bunch over him singing one of her shit-tastic songs.

But now I'm starting to understand the beauty of Sanjaya. The fans are pissed! They're going on hunger strikes, and camping out on rooftops like this numbnuts I saw on the local news this morning. By now you've probably heard of Howard Stern's campaign with the website Vote for the Worst... I'm starting to believe that there is some real potential for bringing down American Idol! If he won, it would totally destroy the credibility of the show!

You know... I would feel bad for trying to take away something that brings enjoyment to others; but you know, people... If you would have just watched your damn show and minded your business about it, we wouldn't be where we are today, now would we? So you know what this means... I may actually have to vote for an American Idol contestant. Go ahead hell, I'll bring my iceskates.


Manny said...

I feel your hate for the over hyped, booze-less, karaoke fuckery that American Idol is. It only adds support to the argument that you don't need actual talent to succeed, just a good PR campaign. My only regret is that in my household we actually removed television. I mean, we HAVE a tv but it's just for watching dvd's (my obsession) and facilitating my PS2 addiction. I my kids want to enterain themselves, they can read a book. Or bang rocks together.

aejr said...

i don't get it, and i just can't get into it. but i have to give props to any show that gets people worked up. but when it comes down to it, if this were 1991, they'd never give kurt cobain a shot. which says something.

beth said...

Die, American Idol!!

Sanjaya 2007!

Natalia said...

I'm the polar opposite of your mother, besides the fact that I didn't birth you.

I watch the show. Boy, do I watch it. But, I don't say a word to anyone. When people go on their hate tangents I totally nod with an agreeable look of disgust on my face. I sit in my dark living room all paranoid like a some sort meth head fearing the police barging in their front door, knowing I'm comitting crime punishable by a irreversible stigma

In fact it's only through the somewhat vague anonymity of blogging that I'm admitting such an act of idiocy.

litelysalted said...

And you know, I can totally respect that, natalia. We all pick our poisons, and it's one thing to have a few beers in the comfort of your own home... But quite another to show up at work drunk. Does that make sense?

couscouscaboose said...

I'm kind of glad I don't have cable!

I love you in the face said...

In a taxi today, I heard some Indian guy over the CB (I shit you not) say "Vote for Sanjaya because there is some anti-Indian racist stuff going on. He's really good, man." and then the Indian guy driving my taxi CB'd back "Ok, give me the number to vote."
So, American Idol blows. I know that. But I like the weirdness of it all. I like watching people crumble under pressure, I like watching Paula Abdul in her various stages of over the rainbow pill-popping highs, and I like to watch Ryan Seacrest desperately try to convince the American public that he isn't gay by wearing tight fitting suits and you know, being gay. I also love to watch Sanjaya royally fuck-up every single week and NOT get booted off the show. Watching the credibility of the judges (if they had any to begin with) decay into sad, tiny pieces after Sanjaya's performances entertains me more than it has a right to. In conclusion, vote for Sanjaya!

Also, the TWoP recaps of Idol are the best on the site.

TK said...

I ain't gonna lie. I've never seen more than 20 minutes of Idol. I think it's awful, grating, annoying, and I want to punch that fucking jackass Randy in the mouth. While holding a cinder block in my hand.

But I voted for this dipshit about a half dozen times. Because I want to play a part in toppling the juggernaut of retardedness that is American Idol.

litelysalted said...

love you in the face - Great story! I immediately relayed it to Mr. Salted as I read it. Well I'm glad I didn't hurt your fillins'... I wasn't sure if your love for AI transcended making fun of it. ;)

tk - "juggernaut of retardedness" Hee!! I love it!!

MertMengelmier said...

My post-secret message goes as follows: "When no one is around and it's after ten on a Tuesday, I vote Sanjaya just to make it bleed."

The show never had credibility; it's for wankers and idiots and the rest of the American public.

TK said...

Thank you. And to think, blogger tried to tell me that retardedness is not a word. Goddamn fascists.

Chez said...

Gotta disagree with ya on this one my friend. I'd go into greater detail, but believe it or not I spent all goddamned night last night writing about this same subject -- which basically means that I deserve to be killed.

Check my page when you get a chance.