I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed.

I'm not very happy with My Favorite Show On Television Right Now this morning. But before I delve into the precise reason for my disappointment, first a little background. Since none of you jerks watch!

Despite having two of the most hunkalicious male leads on television, the creators of Supernatural are rather modest with the showing of skin. As a result, about 98% of the time Sam and Dean are covered with no less than four layers of clothing. And that's fine. Because unlike men, us women don't need to see our sex symbols walking around half nekkid all the time. But when they do throw us a bone and give us shirtless scene... Whoo! It is worth it!! The fan message boards pretty much light up like a pinball table.

Same thing with the sex scenes. It seems like the going pattern is one per season. And that would be fine too. Since the boys are roaming the country, if they were nailing girls left and right they would be nothing but common manskanks. Except that the sex scenes that we do get on this show are, well... kind of terrible.

The first season gave us the womanizing Dean having boring ex-girlfriend sex. That was just a retarded episode overall; one of the few I haven't bothered to revisit on DVD. I mean, the Monster Of The Week was a racist ghost truck. (I'm not making this up!) As if they thought they could just throw in Dean Sex and make us forget how lame and idiotic the racist ghost truck was.

A year later fans seemed willing to forgive and forget, as the internets have been all a buzz for the past few months that A. Sam was going to have sex with a B. werewolf who he would then have to C. kill. Sounds awesome, right? I mean how could they possibly fuck that up?!

Well first of all, he didn't even end up having sex with her until after he knew she was a werewolf and thought that they had cured her of her werewolfedness. (Or lycanthropy, whatever.) So right there, when we were all expecting naughty werewolf sex, instead we got "Oh, my hero!" sex. Which as you can imagine, is somewhat less thrilling.

And then, the sex itself was so horrifically unsexy, I can compare it only to Mitchell Sex.* Finally, when they realized that Werewolf Lady was not, in fact, cured... Sam tearfully shoots her after she tearfully begs him to, as if she's fucking Old Yeller. I mean, COME ON!!!!!! Oz managed to live a somewhat productive and fulfilling life, didn't he? Haven't they ever even seen Buffy?

I should also mention that the werewolves themselves were spectacularly crappy. They didn't even resemble wolves or have fur or anything. They just looked like their normal people selves with long teeth and nails and crack eyes. Boooring!

That's IT, Supernatural. Coupled with last week's Shyamalanesque debacle, to quote Colbert: You're on notice!

*The Mitchell Sex actually starts about a minute into that clip if you want to jump ahead. If you haven't seen Mitchell Sex before, you probably won't want to miss it. If you HAVE seen Mitchell Sex before, you're probably already watching it because Mitchell Sex is awesome.